You've heard it form your parents, your friends, maybe even your therapist : we always want what we can't have. Usually, this is a nicer way of saying "stop complaining, there's no going back now", but it shouldn't be treated as an easy way out. Has hearing that ever NOT made you feel shitty ? Because same. Let's face it, it makes us sound bratty, ungrateful, and whiny. I think it's a sign that we know how to reflect on the good. Most of the time, we focus on the negative aspects of our lives, which makes us take all the good aspects for granted. In our defense, it's hard to just shake off failing math after putting so much work into it and focus on the amazing dessert we had the night before as a consolation. Some bad things seem bigger than all the good, little things we have, and the negativity takes over.
Winter quarter was rough, and I know I'm not the only person to think that. It might as well be UCLA's motto : winter quarter will destroy you, but spring quarter makes up for it. Winter is dull, dark, and dare I say, cold. No party can really live up to our expectations after months of game days, and daygers (darties?) are off the table, so what's going to be our reward for working so hard all week ? When you go into anything with this mentality, you'll never shake the feeling that you're having an awful time, even if it's not the case. That's a really shitty way to go through college, or really anything.
When UCLA announced that spring quarter would be online, I felt robbed. What did I put myself through winter quarter for if I don't have spring quarter to compensate ? After a while I finally got it through my thick head that I wasn't missing out on anything if nothing was actually happening, and I just started missing the things I did have. Funny thing is, not a single bad thought about winter quarter runs through my mind now. The hard times aren't forgotten, far from it, but they're not representative of my last 3 months of freshman year. So yes, this does mean that I took those moments for granted when I lived them, but I was genuinely happy, and now I know that. By February, all I wanted was for winter quarter to be over. Now, I would do anything to do it all over again. Not only is that proof of recognition, it's also a switch of focus from the negative to the positive. I could be whining about not having spring quarter, and I did my fair share of that, but it's way better to focus on all the good times I did have, and use that belated feeling of happiness to get me through the days.
Wanting what you can't have isn't just wanting more than what you already have, it's lack of satisfaction. Before you tell yourself that that's the same thing as never having enough, ask yourself what it would mean if you were just ok with any situation. Your life would be a pretty smooth ride, but it would also mean you couldn't push yourself to go beyond what you already knew. The problem is that nobody can do that for you. When you feel like there's something missing, it's hard to let it go. That feeling is ambition. You might be saying that you want to "go back to the way things were with someone" or "want to move back home", but what you're actually feeling is that you're incomplete. Whatever it is you lack can be found elsewhere, and once you realize this, it'll be a lot easier to find alternatives.
You can sit there feeling like you peaked and there's nothing you can do about it, or you can find a way to reintroduce the things that made you feel whole. Don't let snarky comments like "you always want what you can't have" get to your head, because it really isn't as negative as people make it out to be. When you inevitably start reminiscing about your past life, give yourself the time to realize what it is you actually miss. Do you miss being THAT skinny, or do you actually just miss your confidence ? Do you want to shower with shoes on, or do you just miss your roommates ?
Moral of the story is, we don't actually want the things we can't have, we yearn for satisfaction. The longer it takes us to reach that, the better.
