Gospel artist, Kirk Franklin has a song that I absolutely love called “Wanna Be Happy” and before I go any further, I suggest that you all listen to it.
Lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of things that have really been taking a toll on me. From school to personal issues, I can admit that my smile and constant jokes were hiding quite a lot. I know that I probably tap danced on every nerve that my best friends have because I often transferred my stressors to them in exchange for advice. However, I do believe that I am finally at a point where I am starting to value myself and my happiness more than anything or anyone else’s.
Being humble and supportive can really get you into some trouble. I always thought that if I treated others how I wanted to be treated and put them and their well being before my own, they'd give me the same in return. I was extremely naïve and I never imagined that people could be so cruel. However, I quickly found this to be untrue.
Consequently, I was no longer myself. I felt like I sometimes leaned sideways for myself, but always found myself bending over backwards for others. Additionally, I felt very unappreciated: I was working hard in school along with everything else that I was dealing with and no one noticed; I was mentally and physically exhausted and very few people cared. I knew then that I had to make some changes – not for the acceptance and appreciation of others, but for myself. Although naïve at first, I stopped trying to repaint people and settled for the mural that they had given me.
In Kirk's amazing and most inspirational song, I was thoroughly encouraged to go after what I felt was just and true. I had been doing things for others at the expense of my own happiness for so long, and now I can happily say that I am done. My favorite lyric from this song is one that I have repeated over and over again, but never allowed to take root deep inside until recently. “I just wanna be happy, but if I keep on doing the things that keep on bringing me pain there’s no one else I can blame if I’m not happy.” This lyric speaks volumes to me, especially, because it says that my unhappiness was due to my own acceptance of things that were obviously unhealthy and not beneficial. It took a while before I could finally gain the strength to release these negative entities, but it has finally happened and I couldn’t be more proud of myself.
Now I encourage each of you to assess yourselves and your lives as well. If there is absolutely anything that is draining your happiness, remove it now! We all have lives to live; we might as well strive to live the best lives that we possibly can.
I just wanna be happy, and I will be. What about you?
