Waking up this morning

with a brain-crushing fear,

filled with anxiety,

heartbeat racing to the speed of my breath.

I walked into the shower,

filled it with a misty haze,

felt the heat of the droplets

racing down my back.

Lavender soap

to fill my nostrils

with the peace my soul and heartache.

The belief of my future,

our future.

It's hard to be an advocate

for our human race,

to be a humanist,

when individuals don't see me as a part

of their group,

as a part of their lives.

As human.

"What will I do....

If I lose my father,

my mother,

half of my family

who immigrated here in search of salvation,

in search for the American dream."

My siblings,

my cousins,

and I,

will be fatherless,

motherless,

Abandoned.

"How could I live without my mother?

I haven't seen her since I left.

What would I do if they took her from me,

from my siblings?"

Maybe it’s the steam of the pipe

becoming the dew streaming from my face.

Maybe it's the light

that radiates its shine through my weary eyes

Maybe it’s my stomach

rising, empty, needing to be satiated.

Or maybe it’s the ache

my heart feels for the entirety of our community.

Our minds are filled with the results

of elections,

of politicians,

of celebrities.

What of...

the children,

the homeless,

the impoverished,

the needy.

I've calculated the stats.

I've looked at it a thousand times.

Every girl wants to be the one in a million

The one that's different.

I am the one in a million.

I am the minority.

I am a female.

I am the first American in my family of immigrants.

I am the affected.

I am alone.

Yet,

All I can think about

as I write this now is…

"How will I live without my mother,

if they take her away from me?"