I'd like to think of myself as a positive and morally sound human being who lives her life with the intention of bettering herself and the world around her. Because, let's face it, there are are already a lot of negative and perverse people running around, and the world doesn't need me to be another one of those.
I imagine that my energy and attitude, if visible, would look like this girl in a dress, spinning around in a field all alone (but not in a creepy or sad kind of alone — more like a peaceful, sun-kissed kind of alone):
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After stepping back from myself, though, and observing how I think and act as a server at a restaurant/bar during my usual 6:45 a.m. to 3 p.m. shift, I'm not so sure how morally sound I really am. In fact, I don't think my work energy would look like alone-field-girl. If I'm being honest with myself, it probably looks more like this photograph of sad Joe Biden:
In too deep. Beaten down. Ready for a nap, but knowing that there is no nap in the near future.
Essentially, being a server has made me into a gross, lying, apathetic person.
So, it isn't immoral to be gross, it's just, well...gross. And, oh boy, working as a waitress has definitely enhanced my ability to be disgusting.
I have a confession to make: when I'm at work and clearing tables, I almost always consider eating some of the food that is left over. It just seems like an awful waste to throw away so many fries, y'know? It's easy to fall into this way of thinking when I wake up 10 minutes before my 6:45 a.m. shift and hop into my car without having breakfast. I haven't actually eaten food off of plates as I was clearing them, but you better believe I think about doing it every time. (I definitely have eaten chips and fries that fell from plates onto the tray I was using to carry the plates on, though.)
I've read online that lying is slightly immoral or whatever, so admitting that work has turned me into a liar is pretty difficult. The biggest, most frequently recurring lies I tell? Definitely "Oh, it's no problem" and "I'm so sorry."
Once, I had a pair of customers order one hot dog and request that I cut the hot dog in half because they were planning on splitting it. I told them it was "no problem." Please understand that it was a problem. It is a problem that there are at least two adults roaming around on this earth who honestly think it is socially acceptable to order a hotdog and split it. Just a hot dog. No side.
The biggest issue here is that they specifically requested for it to be cut in half. It's not hard to break a hot dog in half on your own. None of the staff had to know that they were going to split that hot dog. They easily could have purchased the hot dog, opened a roll of silverware and cut it in half themselves, but that's not how things transpired. So, I had to look this adult in the eyes, tell her, "Yes, I can do that," and then I had to enter the order into the computer, adding a note for their special request. I am still baffled by this.
Going hand in hand with the lying that work has brought on, I have noticed myself getting more and more apathetic, and this is really quite concerning.
Another hot dog-related-anecdote: once, a man entered my workplace around 10:30 a.m. and asked if we had any hot dogs prepared because he wanted to buy one and leave. We did not have hot dogs cooked at 10:30 in the morning. When I had to break this terrible news to the customer, he grew visibly distressed. He slumped his shoulders, threw his head back and heaved a sigh. I told him I was sorry. That was lie. I was actually mostly numb at that point because apathy had ravaged my body, and, as hard as I tried, I couldn't make myself care about this hot dog-less man and his feelings.
So really, most of the time I'm lying to put up a front and create a version of myself who is sincerely sorry and who sincerely cares. The lying is usually well-intentioned and is used in an attempt to veil my overwhelming apathy that I sometimes feel on the job.
I guess I'm actually terrible. I'm gross, I lie to people and sometimes I just really do not care. If I do all of this for minimum wage, imagine what I'll be able to accomplish once I get an actual job.
