I stared out of the car window watching my beloved North Carolina mountains rise into the soft blue sky. We wound around mountain sides, and my hungry eyes devoured the sight of farms and houses that were nestled inside a clearing on the mountain side. As I observed the towns, home life, and wildlife of the Appalachian mountains, I felt a longing inside me grow deeper.
It was the same feeling I got when stuck in bad traffic in my congested town. It was the same longing when I stood around at work waiting for more customers and thinking about the redundant and fairly uneventful pace of my life. And once again, as I was in the habit of doing, I promised myself that if I could just hang on for a little longer then one day I could fulfill my dreams. I could start my life.
But as the car wound around yet another mountain and I watched the sun peak in and out of the web of tree branches, it occurred to me that I was living as if I was waiting for my life to start.
I was in between high school and college with just a few months between me and attending the school of my dreams. These months of waiting for school to start felt like I was stuck in the middle. My life felt temporarily on pause, or thirty-second repeat, with the same routine each and every day. It was the dream of attending school, and my dreams beyond school, that kept me going. I had reached a point where each day was fueled by the promise of one day reaching my dreams. It was this promise that kept me going. But while it gave me motivation, it also took joy away from my day to day life.
I was sitting around just waiting for my life to start. I was waiting for my dreams to happen before I could live life to its deepest capacity. But this is absolutely silly. For no matter where we are in life, there will always be things that are hard. We will always be striving towards something. There will be pain, heartache, worries, and struggle. And if we wait until everything is perfect, we will never wind up living life.
And by living life, I mean enjoying the simple gifts we have been given where we are. For me, that meant a loving and supportive family. It was a steady job that was helping me accomplish my goals. It was enjoying the time I spent (however much or little) with friends. It was as simple as savoring my waffles for breakfast, marveling at the tadpoles in the pond, trying new recipes, taking long naps, hugging my brother, and viewing a summer sunset.
It meant enjoying each and every day as a precious gift and finding beauty and purpose in even the smallest places.
So my question is, are you really living life, or are you just waiting for it to start?
