This is going to come off as a sappy confession of love, but do not be confused. This is about knowing what you want in love and, most importantly, what you deserve. I used to joke as a very young child that I wanted to marry my dad. Now if you look past the blatant incest, you can reason why, as a four-year-old, that was my goal. My dad was supportive, loving, always there for me, and treated me like a princess, who wouldn’t want that in a relationship as well?
"The Fog"
The issue is, life isn’t so simple. You get into relationships and, often, they begin well. Lots of love, getting to know one another, the “honeymoon phase” as it’s so appropriately coined. But what happens after that is what truly matters. When all the lovey dovey bullshit is stripped away. I stayed in a relationship for far too long that was not great. He didn’t respect me, I couldn’t stand his choices and, truth be told, we held onto the possibility of a future together for far longer than we should have. There’s a theory I have about relationships which I like to call “the fog.” Essentially when you’re in the relationship itself it’s hard to see what’s actually happening. You’re in the middle of it, too in love, too involved. But then you end things and when you’re far enough away, when the fog has cleared, you look back and think “Wow… How did I let it get this bad and why didn’t I leave sooner?”
Know What You Deserve
Years. It took me years to realize I deserved better. It wasn’t until I started to live my life for me, and only me, that someone came along who was worth it. You have to be selfish for a while, think of only yourself. And I did. I spent three years without seriously dating anyone. I traveled when I wanted to, I worked the hours and jobs I wanted to, I went out when I wanted to and did whatever tickled my fancy. I still do and I don’t plan to change any of that.
But one day, a cute guy walked across the office and my curiosity and go-getter side took over. Flash forward to now and I’m living with the kind of man I never thought I’d meet. He’s not perfect. He drives me crazy sometimes. But he listens to me, he respects me, brings me my favorite ice cream when I’m cramping horribly, he leaves me little love notes, he reminds me that I’m a strong, independent, beautiful woman when I forget. Now, I’m not one to say I need a man’s love to validate myself. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a “f*&k the patriarchy” sort of woman, but that doesn’t mean I’m a "man hater" or look down on the idea of love and marriage. Especially when someone like this comes along. So if you’re reading this and you’re in a bad relationship, or if you can’t seem to find a man who respects you, or if you feel like you have to settle because, let’s face it, dating in this “Tinder age” sucks. Just stop. Because I’m telling you, it gets better.
It wasn’t until I was able to not need anyone, when I wasn’t even looking, that someone came along. Odd how it happens and ironic/annoying. So wait for the guy who respects you. For the one who brings you ice cream just because. For the one who is there for you through the good and the bad. Because you deserve it damnit.
