Today's culture is one of perfectly crafted Instagram posts, hours spent on hair, makeup, and clothes, everything done for the aesthetic. People aim for perfection, and a lot of the time they give off the impression that they've reached it. How are that Instagram model's pictures so perfect? How does that blogging mom always have such a perfect home life? How do those couples never seem to fight? How do those girls you knew in high school always have such amazing things going on? Why is everyone's life so perfect? And, more importantly, why is yours just… not?
At some level, we all struggle with this desire to be perfect. We want to have a perfect body, or perfect hair, or perfect relationships. We want to look good, and we want other people to admire us. I mean, look at those other people, the ones who we idolize for some perfect aspect in their perfect lives. If they can do it, why can't we?
The thing is, they can't.
No one can. No one has a perfect life, and the people who look like they do are just really good at putting on an act.
"Well, how dare they do that?" you ask. "How dare they act like they're so perfect and nothing's wrong with their lives! That's not true!" Well, my friend here's the thing: this is something we all do.
Have you ever told someone you're fine when you're actually having a really rough day? Or have you ever spent hours editing a picture just so it looks perfect when you post it? Have you ever been upset and worked to hide it from everyone, even the people you're closest to because you don't want them to think you're annoying or pathetic or stupid? Or maybe you feel uncomfortable opening up, afraid that you'll get hurt, or look weak. These are all really natural reactions, and everyone faces this struggle at one time or another. The problem is that these reactions can keep us from opening up to other people and creating deep relationships. They keep us from being real.
Vulnerability is scary, don't get me wrong. Admitting to someone that you're not perfect can be a blow to your pride. It can make you uncomfortable. But more often than not, that person will understand, and be able to help you, even it's just by holding you up while you cry. Bottling things up is not good. As humans, we were made to interact with each other, to have deep relationships that go beyond the superficial "I'm fine." In order to make those kinds of relationships, we have to drop this act of being perfect.
I don't have a perfect life, and I'm okay with that. I'm not always okay with it, of course, but I am generally. I try to be. And it's been a long road in coming to this point. Overcoming this mindset of impressing others and craving attention is really hard, and can take years, but it starts with opening up to someone and letting them see who you really are. It starts with being real.
Once you stop pretending, everything is so much simpler. Once you stop living to impress others, you'll find you're more content with yourself. Once you stop hiding from others, you'll find others feel more comfortable opening up to you, too. And that's what builds real, lasting relationships, the kind of friendships that continue once the ties of school or work have disappeared because there's an emotional bond there. Healthy friendships, where you can be genuine and vulnerable. Supporting friendships, where you can turn to each other when things are difficult. Loving friendships, where you know you're cared for and can care in return.
As C.S. Lewis said, "To love is to be vulnerable."
We need to stop doing everything for Instagram likes and heart emoji comments. We need to put down the photoshop, stop spending money we don't have on the latest expensive trend and start focusing on being real and genuine to the people around us that we care about most. Be real. Be vulnerable. Be a kind, loving, genuine person, and you'll find that your life will be a little bit closer to perfect than it was before.
