More than once I’ve heard friends express their weariness of “complaining too much” in church groups. I’ve fallen into that train of thought, too. However, when friends are sharing their struggles, the intricate stories that make them who they are, I don’t hear complaint, I hear vulnerability. Complaining is saying, “Bah! This, this, and this are wrong but I’m not going to do anything about it. Why can’t anything go my way? Blah blah blah.” Vulnerability, however, occurs when someone has the courage to say, “I’m struggling. Will you help me?” Complaining is destructive, vulnerability is constructive. Complaining does no good for relationships, vulnerability builds them.

That train of thought, thinking you can’t share parts of your story because they don’t compare to another’s, is suffocating. You put yourself in this box where you think it’s wrong to express your struggles when you’ve just heard a group member's incredibly horrific backstory. Those of us who haven't experienced anything as severe end up devaluing our own story and stamping a massive VOID stamp over it. We close up and allow ourselves to believe we have no right to express personal struggles when others have it so much worse. We let our own aches sit in the privacy of our minds, sometimes taking a key to lock them away.

But how can we compare our stories to someone else’s when literally everyone’s story is different? Let me tell you, just because you struggle differently doesn’t mean your struggles are invalid. Every one struggles differently. Every single story, every tiny detail, every trial is significant because it’s YOUR story. It helped formed you. It sculpted you. It’s your own insanely messy, beautiful book. There is nothing that can invalidate it. Nothing.