Vermin Love Supreme was born in 1961, which makes him about 55 years of age. A prime number for the Presidency of the United States of America. He has been a politician for most of his adult life, taking up the burden of public service because he believes himself to be a perfect choice to rule the people, titling himself a friendly fascist. Given the recent surge of ironic candidates and political dynasties, I believe Vermin to be a breath of fresh air.

Most of Vermin's passion has gone into drafting a mandatory toothbrushing law, for which he would form an SS-like group to enforce. He relates America's morale to an increase in American molar decay. The only way to combat this is to enact a nationwide toothbrushing policy.

In 2008, Vermin decided to run on a free pony platform, where all citizens were entitled to a free pony. He believes that the ideal economy in the United States is one based off ponies. The large amount of poop they would produce can be turned into compost and soil, accelerating agriculture. This system would also see the institution of a federal pony identification program — your pony must be with you at all times.

The last system that Vermin hopes to introduce after winning the presidency would focus on harnessing the awesome power of zombies. If brains were dangled in front of zombies tied to wind-turbine like machines, there would be a literally unending source of energy. It might even see America less dependent on foreign oil.

It is worth keeping in mind that Vermin has stated he likely will not fulfill any of these promises if elected, but he is a politician after all. Politics these days are filled with grand ideas of reconstruction and nationalism, but Vermin challenges these roles and has offered innovative methods to combat the issues facing the United States. He also wears a boot on his head.

For these reasons, I pledge my vote to Vermin Supreme.

To learn more or get involved with Vermin's historic campaign, you can visit his official website and follow him on Twitter.