A voice in my head
A voice is in my head every time somebody walks by.
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A voice is in my head no matter how I look or where I am going.
Is this my conscience, you ask? No. It’s something way more powerful than that. Something extraordinary. Now, I know they say that God gives his strongest children the biggest battles, however, I think this battle is much larger than me. I tend to bottle so much up and I just want to EXPLODE!
However, I’m put in this situation where I’m scared to tell the truth; I’m nervous too see individuals thoughts as I show them the real me. Then, on the other hand, at times, I don’t even know myself. I’m lost in this world and could fall off any time. Catch me, catch me, I think in my head every time my thoughts start scrambling.
And then, it dawns on me, 'Who would be there for me? Who do I know really know that always has my back?' God. Now, I think, 'Why would God have my back?'
I mean I know nobody’s perfect. I know I’m nowhere on the right path. And, as I’m trying to get there, I feel as if there’s a big spooky dark shadow behind me and it has my arm pulling me backwards.
Then, my thoughts get deeper and deeper and I start to get lost. Half of me is trying to save the other half but, it’s too late. When my mind starts drifting, it’s a wrap. My mind takes me to so many places. But, this place is definitely one of the worse! This place is not acceptable. I’ve always been the type that comes off as I don’t care, or so what. Truth be told, I’m one of the most sensitive people in the world and I think about everything that is said to me. I remember EVERYTHING that has ever happened to me.
I’m just in this cold place waiting on somebody to bring a light into my wicked world. I’m such a crybaby that I start screaming for someone to help me. However, for someone to help you they need to know you need help. As my thoughts take another quick right turn, I start thinking. I don’t want anybody to know everything about me. I mean really? Is that even necessary? I mean if I want acceptance, who is going to accept somebody without knowing all of them?
Oh Lord, my thoughts take a sharp left turn without signaling and I know it’s about to get terrifying. I look in the mirror and I see this breathtaking young African-American woman who I know will achieve in life no matter what the battle is. I look in the mirror and see someone so dedicated on doing what’s right, not just for herself but for her Master and the world.
So, why can’t everybody else see that? Wait, I try to remain still before my head takes another turn. It does not. It keeps going and going then finally 'BOOM! CRASH!,' I think to myself before my thoughts take another turn. I CAN control my brain. I might not be accepted by everybody or be everyone’s best friend and I will not even try. As I shake the darkness and wickedness off me, I suddenly see a light. God, is that you? I think. Not a word is said, but I look up towards the sky and see a cloud shaped as a smiley face.
And, that is when I knew deep down there is still hope and God always make a way. When no one else is there, God is. When no one else will make a way, He will. He is a friend among friends and a counselor among counselors.
He is my voice. He is in my mind. He will make a way.
