To some students, college was a given, to some it was an opportunity to experience something completely new, and to some it was a fresh start. Virginia Tech, unlike so many other schools, has this huge thing called school pride. It can be everywhere from a Hokie t-shirt to bumper stickers to tattoos. But one thing that pride does is that it creates a deep feeling of emotional pleasure or satisfaction and that my friends, saved my life.
While this won't come as a shock to my closest friends, I was abused by my father who decided to rip my family apart piece by piece. I remember this emotional abuse all the way back in kindergarten when he would leave me notes saying that I needed to be nicer and that I didn't have that many friends. That subtle yet tough language for a child, was engrained in my mind. I was never sweet enough, kind enough, pretty enough, or good enough in his eyes. His passive aggressive notes turned into mean text messages that he would mean to send to his girlfriend of the week that would get sent to me instead. They tore apart my appearance, lack of physical fitness and the rest of my inadequacies. While inflicting this on me, my mother got the brunt of his cruelness. This resulted in court cases that got dragged out for years, him moving only a block and a half away to continue the torture, and him getting 50% of all my time until I turned 18. Those 18 years, while they had some great times, were pure hell. I used to sleep with my door locked, I would do everything in my power to never be home, and most importantly I tried to shield my younger brother from the pain that I constantly felt. The emotional duress I was raised under I would not wish on anyone and college was my way out. It was my first chance to move as far away as I could, and I took it.
I came to Virginia Tech utterly broken and defeated. I had never known what personal satisfaction was and I never understood what love felt like. I had no idea what my major would be, I had no idea what I even liked, I was a shell of person. My insides had been ripped out of my body for so many years that when I had to put myself back together again I had no idea what pieces I had. But then I got the biggest blessing I could have ever received; true friendship. These friends took me in; they introduced me to their families, loved me, supported my ice cream habits. And when my family situation got complicated with another court case sparked by my father, they were the first people to find out about my past, during our second semester of freshmen year. Just sitting here, in a coffee shop, thinking about them, I tear up. They loved me back together and they didn't even know they were doing it. I think that's called unconditional love.
From where I am sitting in Deet's place, my old home is exactly 1,474 miles from me. That's 1,474 miles of freedom. That's 22 hours and one minute in a car or 8 hours in an airplane with a layover. Virginia Tech is my home now. Without Virginia Tech, there is no way I would have lived past the age of 20. While I often minimize it, emotional abuse cuts you to the core and never really goes away. It gets triggered by weird things; a sentence in passing, a conflict, a wrong look someone can give you. But it doesn't matter because now I know I can get through it. I, all by myself have established a life I love. I now know what I want out of a life, eventually what I want out of a husband, and I am so lucky to know what real college friends are.
I am going to law school this fall to fight for children like me who don't have a voice. I want to liberate them from their situations as early as I can, because no one did that for me and no one is doing that for my little brother. I have successfully cut my father out of my life because he doesn't deserve to know who I am after what he has done to my family and me. And I know that going forward, I am strong enough to do anything I put my mind too. Thank you Virginia Tech for forming me into who I am today. The past four years have been so incredibly challenging in more ways than one, but I would not have changed a thing or wish that I had any less pride about this. I understand what Virginia Tech Strong is now, Go Hokies.
If you or anyone you know is experiencing domestic violence or abuse, please get connected with resources that can help you:
Cook Counseling Center:
Monday-Friday, 8 a.m.-5 p.m.: 540-231-6557
After hours/weekends: 540-231-6444
Suicide prevention: 540-231-6557
Women's Center at Virginia Tech:
540-231-7806 or call the 24-hour crisis hotline operated by the Women's Resource Center of the New River Valley at 540-639-1123
