In my mind I had this entire speech planned out to give about you at senior send on, but that wasn’t able to happen. I still want to acknowledge you and congratulate you in a public way because I think everyone should now what an impact you have had on so many people and me. It would be awkward to give a speech at your graduation party, so here is my condensed version of letting you know I love you.

I had always believed we were close sisters growing up, and in some ways we were. I thought that was as close as two sisters could get. Luckily, I was so wrong. Coming to the same college as you and then joining the same sorority as you have made me truly understand what it means to have your sister always by your side.

I think my freshman year of college I have spoken to you and seen you more than when you were still in high school and we lived under the same roof. You were always so busy in high school between actual school, field hockey, dance, homework, and being with your friends. Some days I wouldn’t see you at all because you would be leaving for school when I was waking up and coming home from dance when I was already in bed. This is when the three-year age gap between us felt most apparent to me. We were in different worlds. I was still a little kid and you were a teenager.

I didn’t understand why you didn’t want to play Barbie’s or American Girl Doll’s anymore; because when you were my age you still played with them. I didn’t grasp the concept that you had outgrown them and would rather spend your Friday nights with friends rather than with your little sister playing make believe.

I’m not going to lie I did kind of resent you for “ditching” me even though that’s not at all what you were trying to do. We started fighting more and getting annoyed with each other over almost everything. My tactic was (and always will be) physically abusing you. I would use my nails and dig into your arm or start kicking you, while your tactic was more emotional abuse. You used your words and would say awful things to me. You hit me right where it hurt. We were just so done with each other, and when you left for college we finally got some breathing room from each other.

I will be honest and admit I was so nasty to you whenever you came home. If it were just for dinner or for all of winter break, I started hating on you from the minute you walked through the door until you left. I guess I was used to being an only child and it bothered me when you came home and disrupted my schedule. It bothered me that our parents seemed more interested in you (it’s not like you had been away or anything) and what you had to say. However, I always thought that was normal and how all sisters acted towards each other. I never doubted that I loved you or anything; I just really thought that was as close as sisters could get.

Then I came to college and quickly realized I needed you. You were my first friend at college, the only person that knew exactly what I was going through and how I felt. You pushed me to go out for recruitment and I am still to this day so glad you did. I didn’t know if I wanted to be in the same sorority as you or not, but as the days went by I realized your sorority was where I saw myself. I will never forget the feeling of running through those doors on Bid Day and just jumping into your arms. We both started crying like total clichés, but I couldn’t help it. I was so happy to be there and share my sorority experience with you.

After that I noticed that I saw you almost everyday and if I didn’t see you, we at least texted. We opened up to each other and you treated me like a friend rather then your little sister. You told me about all your ratchet freshman year moments to help me get threw mine. However, the moment when I finally realized we had become so much closer and I couldn’t picture going to college without you was. By adding a simple love you to the end of our conversations and a hug, it finally clicked for me that you and I had become so much closer. You were no longer just my sister but my friend too.

Caroline, I don’t know what I will do without you next year, but I am so incredibly proud of you. Not only for graduating college but also for being the loving, hilarious, weird person you are. You never let the worries of people judging you for being a little weird stop you and I truly admire that about you. So cheers to graduating college and officially becoming a full time adult!

You will always have a place to stay at my new apartment (aka your old apartment) and someone that completely understands how insane your parents can be at times. Just like Sweet Dee and Dennis, we may fight and call each other names but at the end of the day we have each other’s backs. Even if that does mean one day you will yell at a nurse while I’m in labor cause the TV in my hospital room isn’t working.

Thanks for showing me the ropes of college and helping me survive my freshman year while you were trying to manage your senior year. I love you and please don’t use this letter against me in the future; I know it is really fruity and sappy. Don’t go changing! Love you.