The older I get the more I realize the value of a moment. I hold onto memories with a fear of losing them, but recently I’ve realized you can never lose the moments that alter your life because those memories become a piece of who you are. Life takes courage, strength, perseverance, and lots and lots of love and forgiveness. Most of us can probably remember around the time when we realized the world had a dark side, the first time we got a bad grade, the first time someone betrayed us, the first time our heart broke, the first time we were left to fend for ourselves. No one enjoys those moments, but it is what we make of them that matters. How easy it would be to turn a cold shoulder to the world that seemingly wants nothing but the worse for us and try and forget the good. To live a life with no regrets doesn’t mean to not do anything you might regret, (because I truly believe that that is inevitable) but to grow from the mess ups, to realize those scars last because they shaped you. Life is way too short to live vicariously. People are so rushed and stressed anymore and it breaks my heart. While I agree that sometimes stress is necessary and there are responsibilities to keep etc. I also know that stress should not be one of our personality traits.
I’ve been reflecting on my own life and the roller coaster it has been. I look back at who I used to be and what I used to value and smile because, good or bad, it has shaped me and molded me into the woman I am now. It’s also exciting because I know I can do the same in the future because we are constantly growing and changing and gaining experience in life. Time flies and when it’s gone, you can’t get it back. The routine you were so used to becomes a memory faster than you’d ever believe. The braces come off, high school ends, jobs change, people move, kids grow up…. Treasure every moment. I’m proud to say I’ve always been one to do just that. I thank God for my heart. Though there has been hurt from the way I view the world and how I love, I finally realize that as a Christian, my heart isn’t mine, it’s God’s and what an honor that is. If I had a dollar for everytime someone told me “you’re different”, “ you view that so uniquely”, “you love in such a beautiful way”, or “you have such a way with words/people”, I sure wouldn’t be owing the school any money right now! Every time that happens it doesn’t even phase me because I know it’s not my doing it’s God’s.
I don’t know if it’s just the heavy influence that Country music had on me while I was growing up, but when I look around places I can see memories. They’re vivid to me. Then I look at where I am today and thank God for where I am, because three years ago I didn’t even want to live to see these days. The hurt and pain I face shapes me more than the good times. it ‘s hard realizing that you’ve outgrown your old stomping grounds. It’s heartbreaking to realize that when you move away, the only person whose life is deeply rattled is your own. Learning how to be alone but not lonely is a constant battle. I remember dreading leaving and saying I’d move back home when I graduated and in just three months that all changed. The unknown is exciting. Independence is a gift. I don’t have a cookie cutter idea of what my life will be like, I just want to make the most of it.
I’ve been listening to Billy Joel’s “Vienna” on repeat recently.
“Slow down you're doing fineYou can't be everything you want to be before your time”
I enjoy taking life as it comes. Not getting worked up over the future because God had given me wisdom and constant guidance to make good decisions. If you’re my age or younger, take this as my advice to you. If you’re older than me, obviously you have some years ahead of me but perhaps this message could be for you too. Save your money, but have an adventure every now and then. Work, but don’t neglect your mental health. Study hard, but don’t do it with a “can’t wait for this to be over attitude”. See the world in any way you can- don’t be afraid to explore the unknown. Go to museums, parks, beaches, libraries— take advantage of the opportunities while you can, because one day you won’t be able to. Take care of yourself, physically, mentally, and spiritually, because that affects you and everyone around you. Invest in relationships, but learn to be ok when they don’t always work out how you planned- some people are meant to stay forever while others are there for a period to teach you something. Love people how Jesus would. Forgive people because holding grudges is bad for you and them. Never forget the good things about people even when it might be hard. I messaged one of my mentors not too long ago and ranting about how bad some things were and she stopped me and told me to list some things that were going well in life. That changed my perspective immediately. God gave us dreams and ambitions for a reason. Chase them, but chase Him in the process. Don’t forget where your hope comes from. Don’t forget there’s purpose running through your veins. You’re called, worthy, beautiful, smart, and capable. Live life like knowing that and live a life that shows others that they are all of those things too.