Relationships are terrifying and exciting things, especially when they're new. They're something that everyone at some point must want, but not all of them work out, and some are toxic and should be broken up for the benefit of those involved. After the passing of Mac Miller, fans began to flood Ariana Grande with blame over his overdose. Many thought that the break up, her music, and her rather quick engagement with Pete Davidson pushed him over the edge. Even though the friends of both celebrities are speaking up and saying that Ariana was very much helpful in supporting his sobriety, even after they split. Ariana recently had to turn her Instagram comments because of this, and honestly, it's tragic. This is the kind of toxic, shaming culture that we as a society need to break away from.
We cannot blame someone for leaving a harmful relationship, even if it hurts the person who is perpetuating the toxic behavior. It enables the abusers and harms the ones being abused, allowing so many cases to go unreported out of fear. "Well, why did you stay for so long?"
"If they're that bad, just leave?"
"No, there's no way they would do that!"
"You can't leave them, they're too unstable to be on their own."
As someone who has a self-dubbed "mom-complex," I completely understand why people stay in an unhealthy thing. You immediately want to protect those you care about, regardless of whatever harm, pain, or stress it causes you. You're so loyal it's scary, and you don't want to think that those you love would ever hurt you. But the sad fact of the matter is--they can, and sometimes, it's safer for you to leave and start over.
This is something that people NEED to understand. It isn't as simple as just packing up your things and leaving, it isn't a simple as walking away, it isn't as simple to just say STOP. By throwing around such hateful comments and shaming questions, we're promoting a silencing of those who need to speak up. Their stories can reach out and help those who are stuck in similar situations...but we throw an unjust hand over their mouths. We're so quick to jump to the defense of others that we don't stop to think about the person who is the "victim" of the circumstances.
Sometimes, I feel like we encourage the silence because we don't want to deal with the consequences. We're so afraid to acknowledge the fact that someone would do something like that, that we just choose to ignore it. Blaming someone who is trying to do what's best for them is never okay. It promotes something that so many communities are trying to erase--toxic culture, silencing, victim shaming, and in essence, abuse being okay because you have money, of a certain race, or status.
We all need to think about this the next time we choose to leave a comment, to say something snarky to someone simply because we don't like the truth that they're sharing, and when we ask someone:
"Why did you stay?"
