I am a victim of rape.

There, I said it.

Just over a year ago, I was raped by a male friend that I was romantically interested in. Just like 70% of other rapes, mine went unreported and I only told one person.

My rape went unreported for many reasons. I knew that my choice to be involved with him made me partly accountable for being raped. I was scared of being judged, of what he would do, and what would happen to him. I liked him, and I didn't want to get him in trouble. I didn't want to make a big deal; it was easier to remain silent and struggle alone. I knew that to make an accusation, I would need proof that I didn't have because he is innocent until proven guilty and I am a liar until proven honest. When I spoke to a friend about it, they told me not to ruin his life even though he had scarred mine.

As I come forward with this story a year later, many people will wonder why I'm sharing it now. Here's my answer:

This morning, rape victims and advocates spoke to the question, "Why have so many experiences with sexual assault and rape went unreported?" via Twitter with the hashtag #WhyWomenDontReport . I had scrolled through several tweets by both men and women sharing their stories and giving insight when I realized that many people were all saying the same things. Their reasons were just like the ones that I had for not reporting my rape. I began to wonder why we're afraid to report to authorities when these things happen.

The problem, in my opinion, is that our society has put more emphasis on not getting raped than not raping people, which has created rape culture. Rape culture says the victim should feel ashamed because they weren't smart enough to have anticipated that someone they trusted would hurt them. Rape culture says that the victim brought being raped upon themselves for kissing the rapist before he was a rapist, wearing revealing clothing, or being in the wrong place. Rape culture says that it is the victim's fault because of all of the things that they did leading up to the rape. Rape culture ignores the simplicity and importance of consent, justifying that the victim's prior actions hold more accountability than a rapist's inability to control sexual urges/lack of respect for the victim.

Maybe we don't report rape because it was been drilled into our minds that we have failed in some way by getting raped. We've been conditioned to believe that we have failed to protect ourselves. We feel embarrassed, shameful, and lonely. We don't want to draw attention to ourselves because we will only be mocked.

The reason I share my story today instead of a year ago is because I have decided that rape culture sucks, and I won't stand for it. I share my story because I no longer feel stupid or lonely. I share my story because I am no longer embarrassed or ashamed of what happened to me. I share my story today because I know that my actions leading up to being raped do not justify my rapist's inability to control himself. I share my story today because I am no longer afraid of the consequences of doing so.

I am a victim of rape.

There, I said it.