Micro-aggressions by definition, are the everyday verbal, nonverbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, which communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to target persons based solely upon their marginalized group membership.

I am constantly being micro aggressed by the people I interact with on a daily basis. Although they most often mean no harm, these comments and questions are usually inappropriate or un-necessary. In a conversation with a few friends of mine I learned that macroaggressions are more common than I thought.

Here are some of the ways you may be insulting minorities or people of color without realizing it. Some of these comments or questions may be considered extremely offensive, even if they are not intended to be. I wanted this piece to be all inclusive so I asked people of many different backgrounds to contribute.

1. “Is that your real hair?”

A common question however, inappropriate. This is extremely offensive for multiple reasons. The main one being it implies that black women cannot grow long beautiful hair. This question is most commonly asked with malicious intent.

Most people understand that hair cannot go from purple to blonde or chin length to mid back over night. So, when you observe this change and already know the answer, don’t bother asking. It’s unnecessary and offensive. You wouldn’t say this to a white woman, so don’t say this to a person of color.

2. “Do you speak English? Do you speak Spanish? Do you speak Indian?”

Just because someone is not white, does not mean they are incapable of communicating with you in the English language. Perhaps speaking to them like you would anyone else, and then determining through dialogue if they speak English or not, would be more appropriate than straight up asking.

You cannot assume a person speaks any language based on skin tone alone, no matter how exotic or ethnic a person may appear, please for the love of God do not ask them this question.

3. “What are you?”

First and foremost a human being. This question can be alienating, it can make a person feel like an object to be studied and not a person. It is not wrong to ask about ethnicity just be mindful when wording this question.

4. “You talk white…”

“White” is not a dialect or accent. This suggests that people of color are uneducated or incapable of speaking properly. A person speaking properly does not mean that they are trying to “become white” or be “less black”.

5. Asking parents with biracial children if that is indeed their child or not.

Not everyone looks like their parents, just because a parent and child are different skin tones does not mean they are any less related. Contrasting skin tones does not have to mean that the child is adopted or not blood related to their parent.

The child is lighter or darker than their parent because they are of mixed race. Meaning they are ½ of one parent and ½ of the other… just like the rest of us. However, it seems that when we apply this concept with two different races it suddenly becomes in-comprehendible.

6. “You’re pretty for a black girl”

Contrary to popular belief this is NOT a compliment, it implies that black women are not typically beautiful. The “black girl” part is unnecessary and extremely offensive. Ethnicity does not determine attractiveness.

7. Asking an Asian person if it’s harder for them to see due to the shape of their eyes

This is blatantly racist, and should not have to be explained. This question is not only outdated but ignorant and frankly no one’s business or concern.

8. Asking an Indian woman if she is going to have an arranged marriage.

This question is not only outdated but ignorant and frankly no one’s business or concern.

9. “Where are you from? No, where are you really from?”

Nationality and Ethnicity are two completely different things and knowing the difference is huge. If you are curious about a person’s ethnic background simply ask, “What is your ethnicity?”

10. The expectation that an LGBTQ person must announce their sexuality to you.

You wouldn’t expect a straight person to announce their sexuality, so don’t expect otherwise from an LGBTQ person.

So, with your new-found knowledge of what macroaggressions are and many real-life examples, pretty please take these things into account when speaking to anyone that is different than you. It’s greatly appreciated.