It's hard to believe such ignorance still exists in this world, that rape, in whatever circumstance, would still be considered okay, that a girl who is passed out drunk and sexually assaulted by three men could be written off and the act justified because "she's a slut." I am not an idiot. And I am not a man. I know that horrific crimes happen to my own gender every day, but before recently, I had only seen arguments against the ignorant comments "she drank too much, it was her fault" or "the poor thing, the boy made one mistake and it ruined his life" on Tumblr and I almost thought that, yes, although these comments existed in the world, I myself would never stumble across someone so devoid of basic human decency to actually hold them.
But I did.
I encountered a family friend who, in light of the recent Vanderbilt rape case, actually had the audacity to see the college boy as a victim to the system and to see that woman as the villain. As a tease. Or, in his actual words, a "slut." From what he told me, this girl had a bit of a reputation and apparently threw herself on top of the football boys. But prior to this, this girl was consciously aware of her sex life. If she was an active participant, then that is an entirely different matter.
When this same "slut" drinks one night, gets roofied, and then sexually assaulted by three different men, strangers, set up by the boy she was dating, that name somehow gets tossed around as an excuse. She deserved it, they'd say.
But then what in the hell does that make the men who raped her?
If she's a slut, what do you call the horny teenage men who consciously had sex with an unconscious, drugged body. They couldn't keep it in their pants. So they're... what? College athletes who had a bright future ahead of them who made a mistake?
If they're so desperate and amoral that they have sex with someone who doesn't move, I'd say that makes them a slut too.
And being a slut doesn't hurt their case in court at all. In fact, people take pity on them because of their backgrounds. She is the only one who is the actual slut. Not the ones who actually had sex with her.
They toss religion into it, and they'll say women should wait for marriage and not hoe around. Apparently these men also need Jesus, because they are the ones taking women without their consent. Although men also get raped, it's not as common an occurrence as it is with women, especially on college campuses. It's astonishing, disturbing, and sickening how many close friends I hold dear who have been affected by rape or other forms of sexual abuse, myself included.
If a rapist's background as a Stanford water polo player like Brock Turner or as a Vanderbilt football player like Branden Vandenburg applies in court to make their sentence easier, it still doesn't change the fact that they committed a heinous crime. If their background of sleeping around doesn't act as a detriment to their rape case, then neither should the woman's past history. In turn, if you look at the positives of the man's life and his credentials and how "good he was," why not look at the woman he took advantage of? The woman Branden set up was a 21-year-old neuroscience major. She wasn't just a body with sexual organs or a slut. Now that we've established they are both multi-dimensional human beings, ask yourself this question: what's better? A person who sleeps with people with mutual consent, or none at all? Clearly, the former. But surprisingly for people in present society, this matter is still not clear.
But then I remember that I am a woman.
And the ones providing excuses for these crimes are mostly men, and they will never understand what it's like to grow up a girl or to be a woman in college.
A lady who was next to me during the argument and who tried to get the man to stand down said to me, you're right, as a woman you should feel disturbed by this story, and that shocked me. Who wouldn't be disturbed by that? How could a person, a woman or a man, possibly justify violating a person's body and disregarding their will and ownership of that body? It's horrifying that unless you're a woman, there's no given that there will be a shocked and horrified reaction to rape. There are no excuses for rape.
They say that girls are teases, that girls are flirts. Some even say that women are aggressive. Sure, I'll admit that. Girls can know what they want just as much as men and chase after it. But do you know how aggressive guys are? I have to say that I'm a lesbian in a desperate attempt for guys to just back off because apparently no just doesn't work anymore. But you know what? It still isn't enough. They still don't give up, and they push and push and push.
So don't say that the woman is the one who causes it, that they're the one trapping the men in that situation, because nine times out of ten, the man is the one who pursues. And the man is the one who chooses not to walk away.
That good Christian boy you're defending can't be that good if he violates a woman who can't say no.
Want to know one of the most frustrating things about women's rights? That whenever I bring this up, I'm met with an automatic defensive line. Please don't tell me that "not all guys are like that," because yes, I know, you are the rare breed of male that is kind and nice and sophisticated and would never think of treating their lady friends like that because mummy taught you better.
But you are missing the point. You are ignoring what girls are saying.
They are not talking about you.
Their speech does not revolve around you.
They are talking about the men that are like that, who actually do these horrible things, and you are not being a part of the solution by defending yourself. You are belittling our experiences, overlooking the real issue, and writing it off like it isn't that big of a deal when, as my recent wake-up call proves, it is.
It is still such a big deal.
And that is what is so infuriating.
The double standards that I've known about were just now so painfully brought out in front of me that I was shocked at first to be confronted with a person who would actually have the audacity to blame rape on the woman, the actual victim, when he had his own daughters in front of him during the argument. His own daughters.
The rapist isn't the "victim" when he is finally brought to court and served a sentence.
That is justice.
There's always the "She was unconscious, the trauma for her is much less because she wasn't awake for it, and now he must pay the price for the rest of his life over one night" kind of reasoning.
But even if a woman is unconscious, even if she can not remember it, the knowledge of knowing she's been taken advantage of when she could do nothing to prevent it is horrid in itself. The video footage and pictures that were sent around to their football friends is forever out there and those scars were still inflicted. And don't you dare try and tell me that it does not affect her. Is the crime any more right if the world doesn't see you do it? If the woman doesn't see you do it? If the woman can't see you do it?
Last year the guilty verdict was thrown out as the jury foreman was discovered to have been a victim of statutory rape, and this was seen as skewing their judgement. Of course going through sexual abuse would affect how a person views the subject, but why would anyone have a positive view of rape to begin with? Isn't it right that a person who has felt the affects of the same crime at trial be present and finally reach some justice in condemning a perpetrator of a similar twisted act?
I would apologize for making a rant, but before men stop raping women, before people stop raping people, I don't think I could ever find it in myself to apologize.
Because I find myself completely revolted that a no, or an incapacitated silence, would be taken for a spoken yes.
After arguing this exact case to a family friend I realized, quite sadly, that I probably wouldn't have found it in myself to argue my case if I hadn't had the help of a little alcohol. Why? Because he is an older man and I am a young woman.
And I found myself scared to speak up.
I was scared to defend my own sex.
My own basic human decency.
But I did.
And that's a whole other problem in itself isn't it?
Until the world can finally wake up and realize that men need to be re-examined and told how to take no, or even silence, as a negative, I will not be afraid to stay silent again.
Because women and men should be equals in this world. And as much as we like to preach it, it's about time we start acting like it.
