While I was home for winter break—being the typical bored college kid—I shifted through some old papers that were scattered about the rat’s nest that I call a closet. Perusing the mountain of handwritten letters, notes, and my old writing assignments, I spotted a letter from my grandpa; his letter brought tears to my eyes when I first opened it as it did now. My eyes bounced across the page, soaking in each and every word, all the worldly advice, but when I reached the end, read the last sentence, my heart stopped. This letter was written five years ago, and it took me all of that time to truly grasp the beauty of that phrase, the beauty of values.
Children are taught to have “good” morals— don’t cheat or steal, be kind and caring, share. Basically, just be a good person. Even though these “good” morals raise children into “good” adults, there is more to living a good life than having “good” morals. There are these little things called values that we tend to forget about (I didn’t even learn the difference between morals and values until I was in treatment as a 20-year-old). While morals are society’s version of right and wrong, values are what YOU care about, what YOUR passions are.
Personality and character seem to get mixed up in the concept of values. I’ve always loved playing basketball and soccer (err.. any sport really). Any sort of adrenaline rush makes my day, being outside dresses my face in smiles and laughter, and my passion for learning keeps my brain boiling in bliss. The thing is, I thought this was simply who I was, there was no choice; this is me—Rachel Rapier. However, I was mightily mistaken because, contrary to popular belief, you have to actively choose to live within your values. Each day you have a choice—go outside or watch TV, read a book or see your friends, run around the block a few times or start a painting—and sometimes we choose wrong. I know I have.
Whilst being a puppet for my eating disorder, my values were nowhere in sight. Going on adventures was out of the question—I could pass out or worse, not get enough exercise in. I couldn’t sit in a classroom long enough to learning anything due to the constant whisper persuading me to burn more calories, so learning wasn’t something I could do. Physically, emotionally, and mentally I was numb, and when you’re numb, smiles and laughter simply disappear into the black hole deep inside. I wasn’t me anymore, and more importantly, I wasn’t happy.
It’s been about a year and a half since I ‘graduated’ from treatment, and, well, I’ve never been happier. Life is good. Things are good. And, it’s all thanks to me fostering my values and allowing them to bloom. Values are done for you, by you, and there’s no end result—you can’t achieve being adventurous, but you can always work towards it. We all have principles that guide our lives, whether we’re aware of them or not; so, what do you want your life to be about?
Reading and rereading the last sentence of the letter, a single tear meandered down my face, creatively cultivating its own path, and dove onto the letter, highlighting the word values. My grandpa is a smart man and I’ll forever love him and his wisdom, for written on the paper was something everyone needs to hear: Take care of your values and your values will take care of you.
