I crave sharing words with others. I desire to connect on a deep level with people. I loathe, and I mean loathe with a passion, small talk. I will always take an intriguing dialogue until 4 a.m. over an insincere exchange of “how are you,” “I’m great how are you,” “Good, thanks.” I hate that.

I hate awkward pauses, I hate looking away and trying to rack my brain for something to say, attempting to please the other person. I hate just meeting someone, and feeling the need to measure up. I hate having on my “read” receipts and feeling like I have to respond or someone will get anxious or mad or confused. I hate social norms of creating conversations that fade as quickly as the sun does with a night that ends in everyone departing from those they just met, probably never to see each other again. I can’t stand it when I misunderstand people. I feel as though this is something I frequently do. I am known for “not being able to read people,” and as a Psychology major, one might think that I supposedly am inherently remarkable at that. I am not - needless to say, not even in the least. I fall short trying to come up with the words to say, to comfort others. I have horrible timing in bringing up hard things to talk about, or trying to accurately express how I feel. I drive others away, and I annoy them so much.

People also misunderstand me. They take my kindness and genuineness and attribute both of those traits and generalize them into a category they like to call “flirtatiousness.” That ticks me off. Since when was a girl not allowed to compliment someone and tell them what they said really stuck out to her? Since when was a girl not allowed to tell a guy he looks great, and not have him think she wants sex? Why can’t I stop a random stranger and ask them about their day without someone thinking I’m a creep? People misinterpret me. They see my emotiveness and call it “crazy,” or when I cry they call me “weak.” I get called incompetent because my street smarts are legitimately sub-par. My spontaneity turns into irresponsibility. Society can throw so many monkey wrenches and teach us to stuff down who we are and the things that we are passionate about. It tells us not to share our brokenness, and not to ask others about theirs. It tells us school and a good job are a priority over people’s needs and people’s hearts. It tells us because of the color of our hair, or the style we sport, or the race we are - which, anthropologically speaking, man created the idea of race, for the record - or the type of personality we have don’t measure up, that those traits about us aren’t what people are “looking for.” It screams conformity, and conformity to one particular style. Women are sexualized nearly everywhere you turn, and men are too. So many people want to “make America great again.” Awesome. You can’t change a whole country when it’s internally collapsing due to the flaw of not appreciating the very people that make up the system itself. No one cares about the individual. We suffer from depression. We are anxious, messed up, beaten down. I wonder why. Don’t you? We care WAY too much about what others think. I care way too much about what others think. We are taught that since day one. Compare yourself to the rest of the world around you. Good luck thinking you’re worthy.

Since this is beginning to take on a hopeless and desolate turn, let’s flip it all around. How do we change the world, my fellow earth-shaking young adults? What do we do? We start with one person at a time. So I say, “start with yourself!” I’m going to attempt to model how.

Hannah Joy Peterson. Hannah is a Hebrew name that means “grace and mercy.” Joy has synonyms like exuberance, elation, happiness, bliss. Peterson derives from the root “Peter,” which in ancient Greek was “petros” or another translation “cephas,” meaning stone, the surname originating in Aberdeenshire, Scotland. Just by my name alone, I am a graceful, merciful, jubilant, rock of a person. I have innumerable quirks, one being a love of puns. I enjoy talking about gross things that are mostly too much information, like farting (quite possibly the single most funny topic that has been the cause of many pants peed), belching and saying the word “balls,” simply to say it because, well, it sounds so dang funny. Another thing about me is that I absolutely love people, and enjoy making them feel important, valued and cared for. I am good at talking, and am a student of listening (I have a ways to go, might I add, but I am learning, for what it’s worth.) I suck at doing makeup and, you know, that is perfectly fine! There is nothing wrong with wearing “just mascara,” or even no mascara at all. Meeting new people is something I enjoy when I have the time and space to hear their story and show them I actually care. I am passionate about my faith, and I absolutely love every opportunity I have to talk about God’s love and purpose for our lives, our brokenness and need of someone to redeem us of the separation we have from God, God’s response by chasing us and pursuing our hearts until we realize our dire need for him and trust him as our Savior. I have tattoos because I one hundred percent love art and drawing and stories. Combining those things permanently on my body as conversation starters that lead to deep talks was something I was very interested in, and therefore acted upon. I hate, hate, hate politics and it can be a very challenging topic to converse about and also to understand - and that is okay. It’s okay for me to be a citizen learning about how she sees the world and what she hopes for her country. I am - shocker, here - allowed to disagree gracefully with others! It’s perfectly fine for me to state my opinion, but it is equally important to hear out what someone else has to say, and to care for them by listening actively. Misunderstanding people is a part of me that I can’t seem to shake. I most likely ask the question “what?” more than anyone else in the world in some fashion or another. But I am good at making others feel known. I desire to encourage and uplift people, whether I’ve known them ten years or ten seconds. I love to jump on the opportunity of being spontaneous, and driving 45 minutes to a park that closes an hour after I get there, just to see a less-than-glorious view of a city, but it’s worth it since I’m making memories with friends. I love to do random little things, like when I actually have the money, buy someone a shirt that I really want, but give it to them instead! Or pay for the person’s T-bell behind me, and see their reaction in my rear view as I pull away and catch glimpses of a cashier telling them that the person in front of them paid for their meal. I love dropping in and driving miles to see someone I love for a few hours, and to tell them they are loved. I thoroughly enjoy spending time with children, teaching them how to swim, and helping them move from fear to excellence. I love customer service, and helping an angry customer transition to a calm and collected customer that understands the policy. I absolutely adore leading worship, and singing along with those before me, getting the privilege to shepherd them and bring them to a point of experiencing Jesus for the first time, the millionth time, or the first time in a long time. I love looking someone in the eye and describing their worth to them. I cherish holding someone as they cry their eyeballs out and all I have is a hug with no words more than the whisper of “I know it’s hard but we will get through this.” I love being able to be a glimmer of hope for someone who feels that their world is spiraling and they have no one to claim them, no one to talk to and no love to hold onto. I adore spending quality time with people when I am not distracted by a snapchat notification or the newest version of vsco. I long for depth and meaning and desire to see others long for it too. I am a vision-caster, a creator, an encourager, a woman of faith and a nurturer. I am valuable. I have much to contribute to the world. I don’t get life right. I mess up daily. I yell at my mom, I slam my car door (what did that sweet Toyota Corolla ever do to me? Poor thing.) I don’t make good on my promises, I take things the wrong way, I cry a little too often, I flare up when I drain myself too thin, I over-commit, I struggle with staying on task, I drive my friends nuts by always being late, I forget to brush my teeth, I sometimes use too much “no-breakage” oil on my hair after my shower. I frustrate people, I talk at an overwhelming and alarming rate much too often for others’ liking, and I am flaky. BUT - amidst all my flaws, all the ways people misunderstand me, through everything I get wrong, in my messiest of all messy messes, I am important. There is no one that could take my place. I am an individual that requires encouragement, love, devotion, trustworthiness, and someone to believe in me. I require an environment in which I can feel safe and thrive.

And let me tell ya pal, whoever you are reading this, you are important. Take it from me - practice on yourself. Learn to value yourself and build yourself up. Not pridefully, in the sense that you think that you’re the most wonderful thing since sliced bread (it’s been sliced a long time buddy), but in a manner in which you see your strengths, as well as your weaknesses, and you learn from both. You capitalize on the things you’re good at, doing those things well, and likewise you realize where you need some patchwork in your weaknesses, so you strive to surround yourself with people who push you to be the best version of you that there is. Seek peace with yourself, others, the world... and pursue it! Understand that no matter what others say, or have said, YOU MATTER. Do you understand what I’m getting at? You are handsome/beautiful, you have so much purpose and so much life to give to this world. So take time to appreciate how you’re wired. Create margin in your life to do the things that you love. Others will notice your jubilance, your strength, your grace. They might envy you, and that is perfectly fine. Remember how your process looked. Remember that they might not be able to understand the place in life you’re in. Then tell them how you learned to value yourself just as you are, messiness and all, and show them how to do it for themselves by loving, caring, and devoting yourself to them. Commit to smiling at someone you don’t know, or giving someone who is crying a hug, or passing off a Starbucks or Bed Bath and Beyond gift card to a homeless person, or getting to know your next-door neighbor. When you value yourself and see how worthy you are of being known, you’ll desire to know others and help point them to care for themselves and care for more people, people you may never get the chance to meet. But because you cared about and celebrated the wonderful YOU that you are, and shared that with someone else, who shared that with another someone else, who shared that with… well, you get the picture, I assume. Maybe then, just maybe, we will be able to change the world, and help our society value people at an individual and unique level. So celebrate you, and uplift yourself. Find what you’re great at, and do that! Let’s change the world, people. One person at a time. Start close to home. Start with YOU.