People fascinate me, and they always have. I think it's amazing to see how people conform to their surroundings, even different ones at that, and how they interact with different people. It also amazing me how these surroundings and people affect the way a person acts, despite what you truly know them to be as. It's funny, this sort of thing happens on a day to day basis, yet so many people are naive to the fact.
High school was the first place I actually began to notice how this whole scenario works. For instance, the cliche girl who tries to act like a badass to fit in with the popular crowd, and with that kicks a great groups of friends who genuinely care about her to the side because she's more focused on being noticed by every person in the hallways as she strolls by. We all know the ending, she realizes how impressionable she was by the thought of trying to be somebody, with the wrong crowd, in the wrong way.
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I'm going to be honest, I was that girl. I was more focused on trying to make myself fit in with people that I felt would "up my status" in some sort of way. I didn't think about what I was doing, and I didn't care about the feelings of the people I hurt along the way. I put myself on a pedestal that I by no means belonged on. I acted out of character, and had no regard for other people, and there was a time where I could clearly see that people did not want to associate themselves with me. Looking back, I don't blame them.
It wasn't until my junior year of high school, that I stepped of the so called pedestal, and really changed myself for the better. I can't say that I did that alone. My cousin, and best friend Sara, played such a big role in modeling the person I am today, and striving everyday to be. She made me realize that I didn't have to change myself in anyway to make people want to be around me. She made me realize that if I had to change for someone to accept me, then they probably weren't the best people to call my friend. She motivated me, and made me see the potential I had to be successful and to fit into a place that I may not have necessarily felt like I belonged in. I became way more focused on my school work, and engaged in activities that were worth my time. She was my mentor, and was truly there for me every step of the way, and I knew that if I ever had a bad day or I felt like there was no way out of a situation, she was there.. Even now, in college, I still call her when I'm about to breakdown, and she continues to show endless support and always reminds me that I'm capable of just about anything, and that, and I quote "got this." She will never understand how much I appreciate her for not only being my cousin and loving me unconditionally, but being my best friend and never turning her back on me.
Within that same year, I also had the privilege of being able to make amends with a young woman, who for so many years I tormented, and really gave a hard time to. Today, I'm proud and grateful to say that you, Cella, are one of my best friends. She, despite the past we had, gave me a chance. A chance to show her that the girl she thought I was, wasn't who I really was. She didn't let the preconceived image of me get in the way of beginning a friendship that I really hold near and dear to my heart. Like Sara, Cella was and still is always there for me. Even being four hours away, in another state, does not stop her from telling me when I need to get my head out of my butt and to get it together. I appreciate Cella for so many reasons, but one is for how real she is. No matter the situation, she will tell me what I need to hear, rather than what I want to hear. She is your ideal version of what a best friend should be, and I'm fortunate to witness that first-hand. Cella, thank you. Thank you for putting your faith in me, and for giving me the opportunity to show you the person I neglected for so long to be.
As I look around my college campus, I see so many people falling into the same trap that I did, and even better yet, not being able to break away from the idea that you have to change in order to validate yourself in some way. Not many people are going to be as fortunate as I was to have such loyal, and compassionate people in their lives to really show them their utmost potential. It took me so long to realize that myself, as is, is good enough. For so long, I looked at other people to validate me in some way, when in actuality, I was transforming myself into a girl that I never want to have to see again. I know my worth as an individual and I know what I'm capable of achieving.
People change, depending on who's around and where they are. From personal experiences, I feel that it's because they just have such an urge to fit in somewhere, and they will do whatever it takes to achieve that spot. It's unfortunate, and something I undoubtedly regret. I see it happening now, and it makes me really feel bad for these people because they aren't seeing the bigger picture. If you aren't satisfied with yourself and accept yourself, no one ever will. If you let other people influence you and that affects you're character, the effect it will have on your life, is not something you want to have to deal with. I went so many years trying to find a way to make myself "fit in", and all I was accomplishing was pushing the good people away, and accepted the ones that made me think conforming to their standards was okay. My advice to people who may be dealing with a situation similar to mine is, you can stop the cycle. There is a way to be the person you know yourself to be, and the people who are tempting you to change in order to fit in with them, aren't people who want to see you succeed. They are people who need other people like you in their circle to make them feel good about what they are doing. The more people the can lure into their trap, the higher they feel they are up on a pedestal. Don't give them the satisfaction. You know your worth, and it's time to show other people what you know to be true about yourself. At the end of the day, the one person you will always have is yourself. But if you aren't happy being yourself, and letting your true self shine, then what do you really have?
