So, it's almost Valentine's Day... again.
*insert Sad Single Sighs here*
Aaaaand your pity party is officially over because I'm here with a tried-and-true survival guide for those who are forever alone.
1. If you're strong enough, avoid scrolling through Instagram
There are too many cute couples' pictures to make your singleness feel like a sad knife to your lonely heart.
2. If you're not strong enough, blackmail a friend of your preferred gender to let you post a fake couples' picture with them
Pro tip: to make it extra-believable, create a fake Facebook profile for your friend and have them send you a relationship request.
3. To entertain yourself, go to the store the day before Valentine's Day and buy all the cheapest chocolates, stuffed animals, etc..
Then go back on Valentine's Day and watch all the last-minute shoppers panic because they not only waited until the day-of to get their significant other a gift, but they now have to spend a crap-ton of money because the inexpensive stuff is gone. (Bonus points if you hide all the Valentine's Day cards.)
4. If anyone asks you if you're seeing someone, reply with "Yeah--your mom!"
And then run in the opposite direction.
5. If anyone you live with tries to have a romantic evening in your apartment/house, set a Bluetooth speaker up in the room with them and periodically blast 'Funky Y-2-C' by The Puppies without warning
6. Go speed-dating and try to convince as many people as possible that you're actually a secret agent
7. Walk around to different restaurants and cafes and place curses on the couples that make you angry for existing
Side note: not all couples make single people angry, just some of them. So as long as you're not disgustingly sappy or annoying, you're probably safe.
8. Pretend to be a stranger's ex
This is extra devious because when the person tries to tell their significant other that they don't actually know you, it looks super suspicious.
9. Purchase an animal-themed onesie instead of lingerie to assert your singleness
10. Suck it up and enjoy being single, because you're definitely not the only one spending Valentine's Day alone
**Bonus Tip** You could always lower your standards--just an idea.
