OK. It’s 11:30. You’re mildly sweaty. You’re quite possibly inebriated—and you’re really hoping that you don’t run into that cutie from Chem class because you totally forgot to brush your teeth this morning.
If only you had remembered to tape your toothbrush to your forehead like that one crazy guy tripping on salvia suggested when you went out on Tuesday night!
Either way—you somehow made the educated decision to put on pants and have somehow found yourself at the intersection of 45th and University Way—known to most of the UW populace as “The Ave,” aka the best feeding grounds next-door to our beloved campus.
I’m going to be assuming your transportation is fairly limited—because seriously... who can afford parking around here—SO for the most part we will be limiting these Dank Destinations to what can easily be attained via the good ol’ fashion shoelace-express.
Let’s start things off in no particular order and one of my favorites! This place is delicious but unfortunately turns down far too early for our college sleep schedules.
1. EJ's Burgers
Closing time = Midnight
This bad boy has the best of the best food. Greasy. Sloppy. Under $10. Great Burgers.
PLUS on the bright side, if you’re not feeling a burger they also offer great alternatives like classic chicken strips or even mozzarella sticks.
It’s also a well-known fact that their milkshakes can cure cancer.
(Well…not quite. Maybe one day)
2. Memos
Closing time? NEVER. It’s 24 hours!
This next gourmet restaurant is so far from the very definition of gourmet and restaurant that it’s actually not funny at all. This is, however, some of the dankest Mexican food you can find when you’re out late on The Ave!
Where EJ’s cures cancer, it’s Memos that causes it. My hypothesis is that they sort of keep each other in business that way!
My personal favorite drunchy meal from Memos is hands down the No. 2 special. I’m not going to tell you what it is though because I want you to make the journey and find out for yourself! It’s enough food for two people and its only $8! It’s well worth the walk.
There is one teensy downside to paying a visit to memos despite its awesome food! The problem is that when you actually do go you tend not to remember. But never fear! If you wake up in the morning with a receipt in your pocket just know that you probably had a fun night! Your morning, however?
Let’s just say your intestines won’t be too happy.
Ten out of 10 worth it! Would drunk dine here!
3. 7-Eleven
Open 24 hours a day, babe-ayee!
Since we just visited food that’s delicious but still bad for your intestines why don’t we throw in a similar option—only this one isn’t just bad for your digestive system—it’s terrible for your soul.
Whatever food you decide to purchase, it doesn’t matter—after you finish eating it, say three hail Mary’s, and then proceed to the nearest Walgreens to buy as many over the counter drugs as possible and FLUSH. YOUR. SYSTEM.
This is actually the only late night Dank Destination on my list that I would NOT recommend for food.
Luckily they have Slurpees.
4. Alladins and Shwarma King
Both close at 2 a.m. Lucky you!
Behold the Gyro! A college student’s favorite sandwich! Paying a visit (or many) to one of these fine establishments is a college must.
If you have not enjoyed a gyro sandwich (preferably after midnight and heavy amounts of alcohol) then you have not done the Ave right!
Gyro fries, Gyro sandwiches, and quick service at that! My only piece of advice is to be careful which store you choose! Some people swear by the Shwarma while others call Alladin's the true masters of gyro! Whichever you choose just make sure that your Shwarma friends NEVER see you sneaking into the back of an Alladin's!
5. Thaiger Room
Closes at 2 a.m.!
This is for you Thai lovers out there! If you like spice, or Phad Tai, or just plain noodles then you can find a dish that will taste excellent here!
If you’re unfamiliar with Asian cuisine like my white-boy self then this is the perfect restaurant to play one of my favorite games:
It’s simple, really: Just pick the strangest name on the menu (definitely don’t read the description because that’s no fun) and lo and behold: ORDER!
Looks like you’re going with “Kao Nak Kai”! Sweet choice, brah!
6. Jack in the Box
Open 24 hours to cars and the occasional walk up. Depends who’s working!
Awwwwww Jack in the Box. A fast food joint of many names—Jack in the Crack, Barf in the Box, JBoes, and here on the Ave it’s even fondly referred to as “stab in the box”.
A lovely place, really.
My first girlfriend and I shared our first precious date sitting together in a booth with curly fries in our hands and love in our hearts. If you’re feeling bold or even risqué enough to make such a move then by all means take a fine lady or gent out for a perfectly cheap date!
I do however urge caution because here on the Ave our Jack in the Box marks the border where everything beyond and to the north gets SKETCH. Tread lightly, folks.
If you’re feeling brave and happen to have a box cutter in your back pocket—then by all means walk the line, baby! You’re welcome.
7. Ku Sushi
Closes at 2 a.m., but unfortunately stops selling sushi at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like all I need to say for this one is 50 percent off all day every day! I’m honestly not sure how that counts as 50 percent off and not just really cheap sushi but all of my friends swear to me that it is really good and really cheap! We are talking around $4 here folks…
So to keep things short: like I said before, if you have some form of shank or pepper spray then by all means make the trek past Jack in the Crack and get yourself some grub!
8. McDanks (OK, I mean McDonald's)
Closes inside at midnight. Open 24 hours for those vehicle-y inclined.
I really don’t need to say much here.
Drunchies, munchies, hunger pangs, it doesn’t matter—they have Oreo Mcflurries and recently to my delight I discovered that they even have mozzarella sticks! Seriously…I love those things! The only issue is that they come in orders too small for the average 4-year-old. So order 8—problem solved!
NOTE: I don’t recommend walking here because this is the one Dank Destination not on the Ave. A car is often necessary if in true need of a McChicken. But then again, anything is possible in six inch heels with the right type of determination!
9. Jimmy Johns
Closes at 2 a.m.
Number 9 and 10 here are for the people who made it to the bottom of my article. Congratulations you endured my sarcasm and you’ve outsmarted your fellow late night munchers!
But…why are you smarter than everyone else?
Because you’re about to order some CHEAP delivery food and guess what?
Delivery. Doesn’t. Require. Pants.
Sandwiches are Jimmy John’s bread and butter (literally) and the food arrives ridiculously fast and even tastes ridiculously good.
Lucky for you I’ve taken the liberty to leave their number: (206) 548-9500.
You're welcome.
10. Earl's on the Ave
Closes at 2 a.m. but stops taking orders around 1:30!
Confusingly enough, this bomb-diggity joint is also known as “Paul’s Italian Kitchen.”
This is the place that I would recommend the MOST.
You’ve made it to the end of my piece. You deserve this. They have an excellent value menu which can be viewed at this link.
Personally you can never go wrong with corn dogs…
…or the quesadilla
…or the chicken sandwich
…or the cheeseburger
…or garlic break
…alright I’ll stop.
Their number for delivery is: (206) 525-4493
AND WAIT—before I leave you with this number I also have to leave you with two words:
Super Combo.
That’s all for today folks, thanks for reading and enjoy some late night meals!
