My fellow Americans, this fall you are presented with a choice that will have overwhelming ramifications on your personal, day to day lives. The choice is between two giant corporate entities, both with faults that are leaving Americans frustrated and discontented. Of course, there is the option for some third party gobbledygook, but really, are you contributing anything thereafter to overall society? In this heated competition, outcry against the latest and greatest edition of a trusted brand stems for the seeming betrayal of the people by bigwig leaders who pretend to know everything best for the consumer through a business as usual mentality. The other side? Literally explodes. Thats right ladies and gentlemen: its the iPhone 7 vs the Galaxy Note 7. I wonder if this could be a metaphor for something. Hm.

In last week's showcasing of my two cents, I talked about the smarmy new move to remove the headphone jack on the iPhone, thereby forcing people to utilize the Apple Airpods through Bluetooth or get connecting adapters to plug in your perfectly fine wired headphones. With the release of the new iPhone, the iFixit team performed a teardown, revealing...a piece of plastic where the headphone jack used to be.

Oodles of frustration aside, Apple's new design and ambition for a waterproof iPhone is equal parts admirable and annoying. But no one is getting seriously hurt by a missing headphone jack; compared to a plague of locusts, mass deportation of millions of people, or an exploding battery, it seems a bit...arbitrary?

Samsung, however, royally found itself in a pickle with the Galaxy S7 Note. New Galaxy phones were shipped with faulty lithium-ion batteries, with a high probability of catching fire. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an official recall of the Galaxy Note 7 after 35 reported incidents of the phone catching fire and exploding on owner, including a six year old boy, according to Vanity Fair. But the rabbit hole goes deeper; in Port St. Lucie, Florida, a car caught fire while the driver was charging his Galaxy Note 7. Another flagship, the Galaxy S7 Edge, spontaneously combusted in the owner's pocket, causing severe second and third degree burns .

So my fellow Americans, your ultimatum lies between a device that has left many permanently scarred and may detonate from "Overheating", causing significant risk of burn damages and death, and a device that took out the headphone jack that somehow has more media attention and public outcry. Apple, while I dislike your corporate schemes and establishment enterprise to squeeze as much money out of me as possible, come fall I'm most certainly not voting for-er I mean not buying-the very thing that would pose danger to my wellbeing. Nor will I be going third party and picking up a Razr or something out of protest against these two corporate giants that ultimately results in a Ralph Nader situation...uh wait. We're talking about phones here right? Pick the one thats a mild inconvenience but probably won't bring hellfire to your life.