Untitled Weird Vampire Story
By: Justice Seymour
PROLOGUE
VERY EXPENSIVE HOTEL ROOM-EARLY MORNING BEFORE SUNRISE
A man, in bed with 20 or so women, wakes up. Everything covered in blood, his mouth as red as the sweetest strawberry jam. He rises from the bed, stirring some of the women. Revealing that, wherever the blood came from, it was not from a violent act. The man walks over to the window. The window is the size of a wall and faces east to ensure a view of the sunrise. The man stands there, waiting. He looks over to the women on his bed. Some very pretty, but most...not so much.
MAN(mumbles):Freaks.
The man stands there, and sees the first slight glimpse of dawn. The light hurts his eyes, and his forehead starts to smoke. He starts to pull the drapes over, but he stops. He looks back over at his bed. He wipes the some blood off his cheek with his finger and puts it in his mouth. He shakes his head.
MAN: This isn’t worth it…
He undraws the drapes and lets his body bask in the sunlight. His whole body smokes, until, when the sun is fully out, it finally turns to ash.
PART ONE: Day in the Life of a Fuckboy
You know that moment in time when you finally hear the words you didn’t think you were gonna hear, but always hoped you would? How the words escape her mouth and into your ears, that sweet sound like chocolate to your brain.
WOMAN: Do you want to fuck me?
It always seems like time freezes as my brain wraps around those words. No matter how many women I sleep with, everything goes still after hearing it. This time was different though. Time didn’t freeze. I just took a long time to answer.
HER: Well??
Perhaps I should do the tropey thing where I flashback to the beginning of the day leading up to this point.
EARLIER
It started like any other day, but I suppose most days start that way. The day you die probably starts normal. The day you lose your job. The day you’re cleared from an std checkup. Anyways, this day started normal. Like any other day. I could hear my phone vibrating in my pants on the floor. I quickly (but quietly) got up out of bed and picked it up. It was Suze.
ME(whispering whispers):Hello?
SUZE: Mark?
ME(still whispers): Yeah.
SUZE: What you doing?
ME(whispers still): Just getting out of bed. You?
SUZE: I’m late.
ME(shhh): For work?
SUZE: What? NO! Not for work! I’m LATE.
ME(Loud af): WHAT!?
SUZE: I know…
GIRLICANTREMEMBERTHENAMEOF: Mark? What’s going on?
SUZE: Who’s that?
ME: Nobody! I’m coming over! Did you get a test or you want me to pick one up?
SUZE: I have a test but you could pick up a couple others to be sure.
ME: Okay, drink lots of water, I’m on my way.
I hung up the phone, got dressed, and got ready. The GirlIcantrememberthenameof sat up in the bed.
GIRLICANTREMEMBERTHENAMEOF: Where you going?
ME: Listen, it was a really fun night, I just can’t be in a committed relationship right now. See, my sister just got a dog, and she’s staying with me, and it's a whole thing so yeah. But hey! If you wanna fool around again some time, you’ve got my number. #;)
SUZE’S APARTMENT
I barely knocked at the door when she flings the door open.
SUZE: Where have you been!? I gotta piss like a mother fucking horse with its balls tied.
ME: I don’t think any man can piss comfortably with their balls tied.
SUZE: Just give me the tests!
I handed her the pregnancy tests. Not those cheap Dollar General ones, either. The legit ones that cost probably a tad too much. This wasn’t my first rodeo. As she went and did her peepee business, I sat idly on the couch. Waiting to see what my next 18 years were gonna look like (and also wondering if the boys would be down to go out tonight.) After what felt like an eternity, she came out with a relieved look on her face. She tossed me the used pregnancy test which was really, ew. She JUST peed on it! But the test read NOT PREGNANT.
ME: PHEW, we really dodged a bullet there!
SUZE: Yeah...You really need to start wearing condoms.
ME: But Suuuzzee, I don’t feel anything that way!
SUZE: Whatever. Get out.
ME: Fine! I was headed out anyways.
THAT NIGHT-PADRINO’S BAR AND CLUB
Vince and I were hitting up some bars and drinking that night.
VINCE: Bro, you really dodged a bullet!
ME: Yeah.
VINCE: What’s with you and Suze, huh! Aren’t you guys like 3 for 3 with the pregnancy scares!? This is like playing Russian Roulette, bud! Sooner or later you guys are gonna be in a position explaining to a kid what “product of fuck buddies” is. That’s why you hit it and quit it! One hit wonders!
ME: It’s not like that! Me and Suze know each other! What we got is simple! Still the best lay I ever had! And have! I’ll just wrap it up next time.
VINCE(so surprised you’d think I told him I was gonna propose): MR.RAW!? Mark “Barecoat” Mcgee!? The “No Balloon Baboon”!? You are gonna go rubber for Suzie Que! If I didn’t know better, I’d say you liked this girl.
ME: She’s the best lay I’ve had! Plus she’s funny sometimes. Point is! It’s no strings, and she's funny. That’s it! Besides, I’m far from done with the women of the Earth. It’d be a shame if I pulled out now!
VINCE: Ayyy there’s my boy! Just be sure that you do--
Vince stopped in mid-sentence on occasion whenever he saw a hot broad at the bar. 99% of the time, he’s over reacting. But as I turned my head and muttered the words:
ME: Vince, wha--
It was then that I saw the smokiest broad I’ve ever seen in my life. I know that sentence is far overused by many men of this planet, universe and everything, but believe me when I say that this woman, this goddess, was far more than anyone ought to have the right to behold. She was 5’8-5’9ish. Skin, paler than Snow White herself. Her hair long and bouncy just over her voluptuous bosom (not tits, mind you, bosom). Her curves would put those shitty Hot Wheels race car tracks to shame. I had to talk to her!
ME: Dibs!
VINCE(delayed reaction): What!? No! Marky, I saw her first!
ME: Called dibs, Vince!
VINCE: No! Put me in coach! I’m ready to lay!
ME: I called dibs Vince, besides, you think you gonna win a girl over with “I’m ready to lay”!
VINCE: Everybody loves John Fogerty!
I took my shot of whiskey, and decided to make my move. As I walked over, I got the most sudden sense of nervousness. I could feel the sweat starting to pour off my forehead. The bar felt unusually empty for 12 am on a Saturday night. She was sitting on a barstool, her ass seemed to just hover over it, it was so nice. She was wearing a red dress and black stockings with blood red heels to match. Just as I got over, the bartender asked:
BARTENDER: What to drink?
HER: Bloody Mary.
ME: Make it a double!(I said as I palmed a 20 on the bar) Her drink’s on me.
She looked at me and smiled as I did my best “cool but not gonna acknowledge it” smile.
ME: Name’s, Mark Mcgee.
I extended my hand for a shake. As she took it, I felt her soft skin on my rough (softer than the other one) masturbatory hand.
HER: You’re very generous, Mike Mcgee.
ME: Generous is my middle name, along with “Barecoat.”
Listen! I don’t know why I said that! I don’t usually say dumb shit! She looked confused about the barecoat comment.
ME: Like bare as in B-A-R-E. Essentially, means I don’t wear condoms.
I seriously don’t know what the fuck I was doing. I had to save it quick!
ME(embarrassed): Omg! I didn’t mean to say it like...well.. I did, but.
HER(chuckles): It’s okay. I don’t mind. I like it raw myself.
I couldn’t believe my ears! This is the most I’ve felt I was striking out with a broad, and her she was! Playing it on ME! Anyways, our drinks finally came. And the night. Turned. AWESOME! We were drinking and dancing and laughing. Having a hell of a time! She even pulled out a joint!
HER: You smoke weed?
ME: Hells yeah, I do!
I felt like I was in college again. Never been so crossfaded. She couldn’t have been more youthful! Everything was going great until I took her home. We pulled up to her place and she opened the door. I felt like I was dropping off my cousin from prom. That awkward feeling where you kind of wanna fool around, but it’s your cousin. So it’s weird. She noticed that I hadn’t opened my door.
HER: Don’t you wanna come in?
It was then, I swear to god, something happened that hadn’t happened since high school.
ME(HUGE VOICE CRACK): Sure.
I got so red in the face! Of course, all she did was laugh.
HER: Come on.
We walked up into her place. It wasn’t anything special, but she definitely made the most of what it was. The walls were painted red. Red rug, tinted windows with black drapes. I swear, I hadn’t seen so much red and black in my life.
HER: Have a seat.
I sat on her black leather couch. I hate leather. How it sticks to your skin after you’ve been sitting on it for a while. She went and grabbed a wine bottle (guess what kind, TOO LATE! RED!) and sat next to me on the couch. It was then that I realized something:
ME: Hey, I never got your na--
HER: Do you want to fuck me?
Then time froze. You guessed it. We’re back to where we were in the beginning! Ya’ know, like those movies you love/hate! I waited a while to answer.
HER: Well?
ME(more manly this time): Sure.
END OF PART ONE
