We’ve all had those times where someone says that they are afraid of something, and there is a flurry of reactions from “holy crap yeah me too” all the way to “what? How that’s not scary at all.”
Fears are a thing that we all have, and there is seemingly no correlation between what you’re afraid of and how/where you were raised, yet there is still a stigma that if you have a lot of fears you’re weak or a wimp. This is a ridiculous idea and can lead to some serious physical and mental problems as people try and get over their fears. Whether it’s for pride or to fit in, there is a built-in desire to prove that they are fearless, and the most common method that I’ve heard of and tried myself for becoming desensitized to things that terrify you is exposure therapy. While in theory it makes sense, there are multiple reasons as to why I think it is the wrong way to go about doing things.
First and foremost among those reasons is that I don’t believe that you should go out of your way to remove your fears. Fear is a natural byproduct of evolution, and whether the ones you have are for survival instinct or have a basis in some bad experience that you had before, they are important to your everyday life. There is no single greater motivator for action than fear, and while it is also unhealthy to let them control you, figuring out what it is that drives you to do something is important for springing to action and maintaining productivity.
Also, due to the fact that they are ingrained in our minds, it’s going to take an extremely large amount of effort and time to do anything about it, at which point it becomes a question of if it’s worth it or not to try and remove them as opposed to simply coming to terms with them. Often times it is also the case that after a long enough period of time you grow out of some of your fears, which can sometimes be replaced with others but usually are not.
However, if you do find yourself in a situation where it is imperative that you combat your fear, whether it’s getting in the way of some important aspect of your life or it has simply become a constant factor in making your days a less enjoyable, then you should look into different methods that aren’t exposure therapy.
Constantly putting yourself in situations where you are faced with something you’re afraid of is going to be mentally draining on its own as your instincts pull you away from it, and then adding in the strain of keeping yourself composed and not freaking out is not only going to ruin your day but could be detrimental to your state of mind over a long period of time. Not only that, but often the things we are afraid of are dangerous and even when taking safety precautions there is always a risk when doing dangerous things that something could go wrong.
Finally, exposure is not a quick fix, and can usually take much longer than one can reasonably spend. As a personal example, I have a large fear of needles and of blood, and in an effort to try and get over those I donated blood when my school had a blood drive. I’ve only done it twice, and my fears still remain pretty prevalent. I now know its safe and doable, but nonetheless, it’s not something that I’m comfortable around.
Alternative methods include meeting with specialists, talking about it with a friend or doing mental exercises. Specialists are often going to be therapists, and while this is not the quickest or cheapest option it is going to be the most effective. They are specialists for a reason, and I know many people who have been helped by the process that therapy entails. If you can’t afford a therapist or don’t think it’s fully necessary, but you still don’t think that you’re capable of doing it yourself, then find someone with whom you can talk about it and explain things in full detail. Simply saying things out loud can have a huge impact on how you see them, and then having someone respond to them and propose other ways to think about the situation can maybe alleviate some of the things that make your fear prevalent.
Otherwise, if you think you’re capable of getting over it yourself, you can do simple mental exercises to help the process along. One tried and tested method involves the characterization of your fear in some ridiculous fashion, very similar to how in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban they are taught the Riddikulus spell which turns a creature that embodies their deepest fear into something amusing. It won’t work immediately, and for some things it's not applicable, but there are many other exercises you can look up if you want to try them.
Never force yourself to do anything that your mind is telling you not to, and always remember that with the amount of time that we have been on this Earth, there is a very high probability that alternative methods exist and that there are a multitude of things that have been tried, all you have to do is look for them.
