I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to spend a few quality hours last week with a very dear friend of mine. I admire this young woman beyond belief, and although I thought her to be flawless, it recently came to my attention that she has a bad habit. A bad habit that hits close to home for me because I once to partook in this, as well. She is, just as I once was, apologetic for who she is.

Constantly apologizing for who you are is a common habit found in young people, but I shall speak in terms of young women specifically. Why is it that we feel a need to apologize for who we are? The world makes us feel like we are inferior. Inferior to men, inferior to other women, inferior to our own expectations. The blame is not to be put on society, in fact, the blame is not to be framed on anyone. As a young woman, I believe it is just naturally ingrained in us to be so apologetic. It is our duty, however, to break out of the cycle. We grow up witnessing the women in our lives constantly feeling incompetent, causing them to apologize for their true selves, which leads us to fall into the same habit.

This habit is a self-destructive one. Feeling regret about the person you are can only affect you in a negative way. It is understandable to apologize for your harmful actions, but do not apologize for you. You are who you are. Embrace it.

Breaking out of this habit is not an easy task. Regardless of my confidence and my high self-esteem, I still found myself apologizing for the person I was at the time. I felt like my presence, in itself, was a burden to others. I lacked genuine love for myself. My lack of self-love is what led me to apologize for the person I was. Seems contradictory to have high-self esteem and yet not love oneself, and maybe it actually is. I may have thought well of the girl on the surface, but I despised my inner self.

Learning to break out of the habit of apologizing for who you are starts with learning to fully love yourself. You apologize for something because you find it flawed beyond acceptance; therefore, you view yourself in that negative sense. Self-acceptance – that is the key. It is normal to want to grow and better yourself, but you must also accept who you are in the present. Once you accept yourself, you will learn to love yourself, and in turn, you will no longer feel the need to apologize for who you are.