You do not know how many times I hit the delete button. You are probably wondering what I am doing on here. It’s kind of surreal. Surreal moments happen to be this way. Quite honestly, I don’t know what I am doing on here. I mean I do, like anyone would like to share their voice, everyone has their own way of expression. I like to write. However, to be apart of the suffolk team for the Odyssey is really an accomplishment. There are so many incredible voices on this website. It’s also a website that ordinary people like you and me can share our voices through social media in the most purest form.
When I got the email that my application had been accepted, It was like for the first time, I became speechless. For those of you who don’t know me, I can be extremely quiet, but if you truly know me, that’s a rarity. And when I write, something else just takes over. It’s kind of indescribable. It's like you are limitless. However, for my first article, there are a lot of expectations. So, what should be my first article? Should it be something I had already wrote ages ago or start fresh? I should probably start new because like every new chapter, you turn over a new leaf. Okay new, so should it be something heard on the news about politics or the recent attack in France? Should it be an introduction about myself? Should I talk about the content of the articles I would share?
It always came back to a feeling of I haven’t written in a long time and now it's for the world to see. I started planning it out on a scrap piece of paper. But that didn’t help it just remained blank. I was surprised because it usually does help. I am neurotic like that. I find comfort in planning and organization. T-charts, pro-con lists or any type of chart are what helps me. It’s a coping mechanism, it helps me process the unknown. It’s usually the what ifs that scare me. But this one didn’t. What if I just start writing? So here I am, winging it, and all I can hope for is it’s something of substance.
Firsts have an enormous burden
No matter how big or small the event that happens in your life, you have all of these expectations because it’s your first! Just think about it, first friendships, first time you rode a bike, first love, first kiss. But in reality, yes, some are held to more value than others. Like most people can remember their first crush or kiss but it’s not like I can remember everything. We all remember the gist of things. Some people even might remember how they rode a bike better than their first kiss. Everyone is different. Embrace it. There is no mold on what a “first” should or shouldn’t be like, and it will soon become like your “second and third” times.
Expectation often comes with disappointment.
Along with dwelling on “firsts”, expectations are soon to follow. I find when you do not expect anything, it’s a relief. You can either feel like it’s not been a huge disappointment, or it can be ok, or you can truly appreciate the good. It gives you room to actually feel. It’s the only surprises that I happen to like.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself
Yes, I stole this from FDR. He is one of my favorites. I’m sure everyone has a different take on this iconic quote. But I think what he’s saying is that it’s ok to take risks. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s always good to step out of your comfort zone. That is always the most rewarding. There are many times I thought about not writing this piece. The “concept” of the unknown had consumed me. “What if it’s not relatable or popular?” “ What if it’s not what people like or what if I’m judged?” The only way to find comfort in the last question is the common phrase “only G-d can judge you”, another coping mechanism. If you do believe in that sort of thing. “ What happens if I turn out to be a horrible writer?” But if I continue to live my life on those questions, I may miss out. The best things in life are a chance. You just have to be comfortable with you. It has to be something you love. It has to be for you. It’s a risk of all or nothing. You have to have a purpose and it all becomes easier.
Always embrace the faults and shortcomings
With the unknown, comes a lot of mistakes. Own them. We are all human. There are always going to be errors. For a writer, it can be as little as spelling or grammar, or it could be as big as a reader not connecting or understanding the point of your work. You may even say “it's not my best” letting yourself down. But everything in life is about experiences that help you grow. Let it help you grow into something better.
People are going to either support you or leave you. They are all going to have their concerns or opinions.
Debate is the healthiest thing. We aren’t all going to agree with each other. Everyone has different experiences that form their own perception. Yes, it’s nice when someone does agree. It gives a sense of validation. But more people are afraid to voice the uncomfortable. They are afraid to form their own opinions. Or the people who aren’t afraid don’t respect others. It can be as small as to liking the same music, food or as big as morals and politics. In the unknown, people can either support you wholeheartedly or they can leave you. Some can even support you and not agree with you. But you are the one who is living this life. Ultimately, it's up to you. It's about asking yourself, “Is the risk something you may regret, but something you will always remain proud of?” The people who voice their concerns and support you, are the ones who don’t leave. They are the ones who care.
Don’t ever apologize for being you.
We all cannot fit into a label. The unknown may come with many different emotions and actions. There is no rulebook on how to handle life. There are countless times that I may have acted wrong in the moment, and for that, I will always apologize for. But if there’s something behind “that action” and if it's important to who you are, don’t apologize for that. There is a reason for everything and if it’s important to you, continue to fight for it. ALWAYS EMBRACE!
Obviously, people say the unknown isn’t always a bad thing. But maybe, it should not be what everyone fears because it’s always continuous. If we realize more people feel this than not, even if it feels like we are alone, we are never truly alone. We can remember to all connect with these human emotions. Therefore, it will never be as scary as you think. It will become normal. It will be a routine, and maybe it's what becomes the most familiar. Maybe it is better to face things head on. Maybe it's better to just “wing it”. But what do I know? I have a whole life to live. I am only 20 something.
