"What do you want to be when you grow up?" - everyone.

This question seems to appear in all social situations children, teens, high schoolers, even college students(I think we can admit there is always room for growing up) find themselves in. It's a reminder that we have to figure things out and decide our lives. As someone who is currently torn between ballet, english, and biology, decisions don't come easy. Recently I've been thinking about the choice, the desire to know without a doubt, and how we can overcome it.

Its standing at the edge of a cliff looking over

Its freezing in doubt

Its the act of risk taking

Its hope for the best—plan for the worst—live in the moment— emotion

Sometimes, we get caught up in decisions

Our minds become insomniacs

tossing and turning between one option and another

We tell ourselves that we must choose,

a path

a lifestyle

a partner

a view

But I’ve been thinking maybe the end is just that

an ending

Not to be celebrated, but rather, simply noted

As the stop of the tossing and the turning.

Maybe the movement is best part

Because thats when you live—

When you fight

The future frightens us

Because we don’t know—we can’t know—

what's coming in our

path, lifestyle, partner, view

So to cope we plan,

we, double check

we, decide.

I’ll share something about me:

I love too many paths

So the tossing and the turning is continuous

And I’m tired

Tired of being forced into one box

Tired of labels that don’t capture, but still stick

Tired of fearing the unknown too much

And planning and double checking and deciding to just follow one path

And losing myself in the process

But I think, rather than less, we all need some more unknown in our lives

Some more cliffs and edges

to see the size of spontaneity

More doubts

Because thats when you know you’re challenged

More risk taking

To believe in hope and learn from failure

So I’m done and planning and deciding—

I am undecided

I am tossing and turning

I am exploring many paths

And I’m not ashamed that I don’t know

because I don’t want to be motivated by fear

I want to live in it, accept, and forget it

I want to be surrounded by the undecided

the movement

the unknown