SpongeBob was like, my king when I was a child. I knew every episode, forward and backward, and I could recite every line. My adult life so far (albeit, short) had not been affected by SpongeBob, until I realized each of my professors resembled a character. Seriously. Subtle at first, but now I can’t help but size up every professor I have about which character they are.

SpongeBob

Usually a first or second year professor, and loving it. You can tell that being your professor is what they’ve been dreaming about their whole life, and they can’t wait to come to work everyday. They’ve got so much pep, and they just exude amazing energy. The SpongeBob is also a perfectionist, though. They want to do everything perfectly, and they want your work to reflect that. A great professor to have, just a little exhausting sometimes.

Patrick

It seems like The Patrick means well, but it’s so hard to tell. They’re always cracking jokes, and chatting with students about their weekend. They don’t care what you do during class, and they honestly don’t assign that much work. This professor doesn’t take attendance, and gives you study guides for every exam. Kind of amazing, but I haven’t learned much from some of my Patricks.

Sandy Cheeks

Sandy is kind of a hard-ass, but really wants you to succeed. They’re usually very outspoken about their political beliefs, and spend a bit of class time each day, discussing it. Even if it doesn’t pertain to the class, they find it important. I love the Sandy’s, I think they’re great. They’re thorough, and very perceptive. If you do well in a Sandy class, they’d probably write you a recommendation letter.

Plankton

The Planktons aren’t evil, they’re just a little neurotic. They have a million ideas going through their mind a minute, and it’s SO hard to keep up. This professor is constantly changing the rubrics on projects, and constantly assigning online work over the weekend. It almost seems like The Plankton can’t keep up in their own class.

Mrs. Puff

Mrs. Puff is the sweet professor, always asking you how you’re doing, and if you need help on the assignment. Mrs. Puff wants you to succeed, and believes everybody can. Unless, you get on her bad side. Then she’s filled with rage every time you enter her classroom. I love the sweet side, but you just can’t count on it.

Fred Rechid (MY LEG!)

The Fred is a chill professor. Always down to chat, and never wants to step on any toes. The Fred also tends to get sick a lot throughout a semester and cancel class. Not complaining.

Pearl

Ah, Pearl. Pearl is also usually a first or second year professor. They’re extremely sensitive. If you call them out on a mistake they’ve made in the rubric, or worse, grading, they would literally cry during class. The Pearl desperately wants you to like her, but she just makes you so uncomfortable.

Squidward

Squidward doesn't want to be here. They ended up being a professor, but they didn't seek it out. They're extremely bitter, and they'd give you a C on an A paper.