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What's Really In The Basement Of UD Houses?

The world may never know.

Oct 09, 2016

What's Really In The Basement Of UD Houses?

UD students remain an inquisitive bunch. Of all the thoughts that haunt us at night, one that remains in the forefront is what could possibly be in our basements? Locked and without a door handle, what secrets lie inside this hidden cove? I've done my research (thanks to all of you who contributed) and this is what I have come up with:

1. Hillary's emails.

I mean, obviously.

2. Dr. Dan and the other former presidents.

Who could ever actually leave UD willingly? I'm sure they've got a nice bachelor pad under there.

3. Parking tickets.

And probably a printing press making more of them. It's unreal how many parking tickets some people have compiled while at UD. My mom was on campus for 10 minutes and got one. I'm sure there are magical elves who work all through the night to print out copies for the morning.

4. The mythical housing contract.

We know you've heard of it. If you aren't aware that you signed your life away by going to this campus, now is the time to educate yourselves. I'm sure it's encased in bulletproof glass, most likely opened to the page that says "University shall have the right to change and to establish additional rules, regulations, policies, codes, or procedures as necessary at the sole discretion of the University." Uh oh.

5. The monster cookie recipe.

Hidden like the Krabby Patty formula, this treasured secret is coveted by all who have ever witnessed the beauty of this treat's creation.

6. A reliable Internet connection.

One can hope, right?

7. Isidore.

Whoever he is. I picture him as a magical wizard that most likely lives in the underbelly of this campus. It just fits that our basements would be a gateway to him.

8. The remains of the old logo.

RIP, old friend.

9. Hammocks.

You know how every UD promotional material has a picture of a hammock and the sunset? Except hammocks are forbidden on campus. So I'm assuming they need a place to store all the hammocks they use to take pictures on campus. And if you were wondering, this image is straight from the University's twitter page.

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What's Really In The Basement Of UD Houses?

The world may never know.

1. Hillary's emails.

2. Dr. Dan and the other former presidents.

3. Parking tickets.

4. The mythical housing contract.

5. The monster cookie recipe.

6. A reliable Internet connection.

7. Isidore.

8. The remains of the old logo.

9. Hammocks.

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This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

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Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

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1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

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3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

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6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

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