I remember one of my very first film experiences was Disney's Snow White, I thought it was just about the most romantic thing when the Prince kissed an unconscious Snow White to then runaway and marry her. Of course, it probably wasn't my fault I had swooned over this scene, the movie wanted me to – society wanted me to. These films in which women are threatened, belittled, abused, or stalked by their "knight in shining armor" has been a deeply ingrained message for the children raised on these love stories. Unfortunately, it taught young boys that aggression is romantic, persuasion is to be expected, and consent isn't necessary. It taught young girls to not only expect all of this in a relationship but aspire towards it. These outdated, unsafe, and misogynistic messages have serious repercussions on the way we develop romantic relationships and must be challenged.

Daisy Buchanan & Jay Gatsby (The Great Gatsby)

Whether you read this book in freshman english class, or fell in love with the movie, at first glance, Gatsby's love is one for the ages. At the time I first read this, I admit to thinking that Daisy never deserved Gatsby. When I watched this film only a couple years later, it struck me how obsessive and unhealthy his actions were throughout the story. His romance with Daisy was founded on a lie, as he lead her to believe they were of the same social class – not necessarily the greatest foundation for a relationship. After their years apart during his military service and she was married to another, Gatsby's love for Daisy transformed into an obsession. Desperate to rise into her social class, Gatsby commits numerous amounts of crimes to gain his wealth, I am not sure who needs to hear this, but a love that forces you into a life of crime is not a healthy one. Daisy's relationship with her husband was no breath of fresh air either, he was abusive and adulterous and because of this, the story is framed for its viewers to root for Gatsby. However, just because one relationship is terrible does not excuse the unhealthy mannerisms of another. Daisy is stuck between two harmful relationships yet is forced to choose because the story and its time prompts the idea that life without a man is simply nonsensical. For Daisy, Gatsby is a past love that reappears in her life; for Gatsby, Daisy is his life. This creates a role and identity that Daisy could never fulfill, Gatsby is in love with the idea of Daisy and what she represents, leaving no room for her flaws as a human. While it is nice to think our partners see us as perfect, understanding we are humans capable of making mistakes and needing room to grow is just as valuable.

LESSON: COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE IN THE SAME SPACE WITH THE SAME EXPECTATIONS & LOVE THE PERSON, NOT THE IDEA OF THEM

Claire Stanfield & John Bender (The Breakfast Club)

This unexpected romance may seem iconic, breaking high school and societal norms: the pretty, rich, popular girl falling for the poor, troubled, "bad-boy." At face value, this could be a great lesson and a meaningful couple! Unfortunately, Bender and Claire fall short of that mark almost immediately. Throughout the movie Bender insists on hypersexualizing Claire, within the first couple scenes he suggests their activity for the day be to impregnate her (???). This type of harassment is consistent throughout the film, he even goes so far to assault Claire as he puts his face in between her legs without her consent. The dangerous message about this relationship is not only normalizing the sexual abuse and harassment of young girls and women, but encouraging it as the movie ends with the two sharing a kiss. Belittlement, abuse, and harassment will not get you the love and affection of women, but it might just get you a slap in the face.

LESSON: RESPECT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER; THEIR SPACE, THEIR CHOICES, THEIR BODY & CREATE A SAFE SPACE FOR ONE ANOTHER

Allie Hamilton & Noah Calhoun (The Notebook)

Noah and Allie are one of America's favorite on-screen couples, and of course, who couldn't love Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams? It had been awhile since I had seen this one myself, but I knew that every one of my girlfriends LOVED this movie and longed for a Noah-type character in their own lives. Well recently, my little sister and I rewatched this one and there were so many scenes I wanted to just shout disclaimers that these are not aspireable traits in a significant other! The initiation of their relationship consists of Noah practically stalking Allie and never taking her 'no' for an answer. Eventually, he crashes her date with another man and threatens to kill himself right then and there if she doesn't agree to go on a date with him. First of all, when the person you're interested in says no to you, that usually means they are not and will not be interested in you. It does NOT mean keep trying until you *finally* convince them. That is dangerous and unhealthy, people deserve to invest in relationships at their own pace rather than the pace they are being forced into. In reality, these actions would never be accepted by society if someone who isn't as hot as Ryan Gosling responsible for them. As if that wasn't enough, Noah continues to disregard Allie's emotions and decisions, practically making all the choices in their relationship. They fight incessantly, encouraging the narrative that love is hard, and sometimes you're just going to hate and hurt your significant other; but hey, that's love. PSA: love is hard – yes, and arguing is a natural aspect of a working relationship. With that being said, if you are fighting with your partner more than loving them, violently disagreeing more than being on the same page, and getting into physical altercations as a result of your fights – you should probably not be together or at the very least, be attending couples counseling.

LESSON: THERE IS NO PLACE FOR VIOLENCE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND WHILE DISAGREEMENTS OR ARGUING CAN BE HEALTHY AND NORMAL, IT SHOULD NOT BE THE FOUNDATIONAL BASE

Anastasia Steele & Christian Grey (Fifty Shades of Grey)

I was in eighth grade when the phenomenon that was Fifty Shades of Grey arose. It was just a book then, but it was probably the only book that got a lot of my friends reading leisurely. When the movie came out I was a bit older and it was only then I noticed about how truly abusive Christian Grey is in this story. It had the potential to showcase a true and accurate BDSM relationship, but wildly missed the mark. Christian, who was the dominant in the story, dictated when and how Anastasia, his submissive, could live her life. From eating to exercising, forms of birth control and even seeing her friends and family. All the tell tale signs of a domestic abuser, Christian manipulated her into feeling guilty for enjoying going out and spending time with her friends. There was even a scene in which Christian raped her as he failed to understand consent and continued with sex after Anastasia revoked her consent. Many were upset with the popularity of this storyline for its BDSM qualities, the true disservice this franchise did was instill unhealthy and seriously dangerous relationship ideals in young minds. BDSM relationships value trust and respect above all else, and Christian and Anastasia's relationship lacks this in the most completely inappropriate manner.

LESSON: BEING CONTROLLING IS NOT ROMANTIC AND CONSENT IS NON NEGOTIABLE

Summer Finn & Tom Hansen (500 Days of Summer)

This movie was one of my absolute favorites when I was in high school, and truthfully, still to this day. The "not a love story" had a disclaimer from the start that this relationship was not picture perfect. However, its problems went much deeper than what was on the surface and reg flags were there for those willing to see them. Tom Hansen has a similar predicament to Gatsby in that he idealizes and fantasizes about his relationship with Summer so much so that he does not really listen to her needs and desires. From the beginning, Summer is clear she isn't interested in a serious relationship; yet Tom continues to ignore her boundaries – becoming visibly angry with her whenever she clarified that she simply wanted a friends with benefits relationship. He became possessive over her and saw her as his own: telling her she couldn't get a tattoo, and even fighting a guy at a bar who Summer had rejected. After their break up he convinced himself Summer is his only possible source of happiness, a burden too much to put on anyone's shoulders. Tom elevated Summer into the 'perfect woman,' a title too much for anyone human.

LESSON: LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR PARTNER WANTS AND NEEDS FROM A RELATIONSHIP AND RESPECT THAT, THIS IS THEIR JOURNEY JUST AS MUCH AS IT IS YOURS & YOUR PARTNER DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU, THEY ARE STILL THEIR OWN INDIVIDUAL PERSON

Each of these films present a different messaging that is just as seriously problematic and dangerous: that love, in all its forms, is only accessible to those who are represented on the screen. Most romantic relationships produced by blockbuster movies, the ones that have the biggest budgets and stars, are relationships involving straight, white, skinny, cis, able-bodied, attractive, usually (at least one of them) wealthy individuals. Relationships don't all look the same, yet Hollywood insists on giving us the same couple with each and every film. While perhaps not as many, there are certainly examples of unhealthy relationships in media that aren't so white and heteronormative, but I chose these movies because they are so incredibly romanticized. The important thing to remember is that just because you might not have been represented on screen, you are worthy of your story, as unique and beautiful as it is. Additionally, unhealthy and abusive relationships can happen to anybody – regardless of race, ethnicity, gender identity and expression, disability, sexual orientation and class.

For more information on dating violence, please visit https://www.thehotline.org/healthy-relationships/.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline # is 1-800-799-7233.