New Year's Resolutions are like
handy, improbable solutions.
1. Clean the space shuttle windows
Who am I kidding?
Who wants to hang in an over-
crowded gym for a week when
we all just want that chocolate fudge
leftover from Christmas.
2. Clean the Beach
Not impossible tasks just
impossible goals suited only
to fit in with this year's party crowd.
3. Catch a jar of wind
Who are you kidding?
You want to fit in so badly
you'll paint yourself a failure
in just a couple weeks rather
than paint yourself an individual?
4. Erase all my flaws
Do us all a favor and wait
a couple months, pick some
personal goals, and don't
tell one snotty little soul.
5. Don't be afraid to be yourself