WOOO, HERE WE GO! Trump with the wild card blue tie. Bold choice. I'd comment on Hillary's outfit, but feminist Twitter would be at my door with pitchforks. ANYWAY

Trump sounds like he has a cold, and I'm not sure how long I can deal with the sniffling for. Wondering how that impacts viewer perception of him. Should be interesting.

Hillary, you hate wealthy people and Trump hates poor people, we get it.

Trump takes a long chug of water looking like a frat boy at a Kentucky Derby party.

"Trump thinks climate change is Chinese hoax." I don't have time to fact check this, but I'm laughing.

Hillary, the only thing your husband was doing in the 1990's was Lewinksy; take it down a notch.

Honestly, as much as I dislike Clinton, she's so driven that I can't help but be inspired even slightly

Things are getting heated. Trump needs to stop interrupting Clinton. The media's gonna rip him apart.

Hillary Clinton just plugged her book, and I'm honestly impressed at how shameless it was.

You can tell that Trump wants to flip out. His campaign manager slipped a Xanax into that glass of water; no doubt in my mind.

The smug looks on both parties makes me genuinely uncomfortable. Why is Rudy Giuliani not running again?

"This is Secretary Clinton's two minutes, Mr. Trump." They should honestly just let them go back and forth all night. It would be entertaining and much less rehearsed.

Trump makes an Obama golf reference. I'm dying.

Why are Trump's financial records so sought after? He's wealthy. I know Americans love to hate successful people, but just let it go.

The moderator is #TeamHillary all the way, but he can at least pretend to hide it.

Hillary RATTLED about the email comment, but the audience is loving it.

CLINTON, WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? YOU THREATENED NATIONAL SECURITY?!! Okay, I need to turn the bias down. Apologies.

Hillary trying to act like she's not stressed out about the topic of emails being raised is the face you make at a party when you see your ex talking to other girls.

Can we all just reflect on the fact that Donald Trump is legitimately the Republican nominee? Like this is real life.

"My father provided a good, middle-class life for us." A Yale-educated politician with a net worth of $31.3 million trying SO hard to be relatable.

They're talking about race, now, so this is where I sign off. I look forward to seeing the magical moments that happen during the remaining half hour. Enjoy, everyone!