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7 Unexpected Things That College Teaches You

Yeah, you learn about your career and stuff, but you also learn how to run off of four hours of sleep for two days.

Delani Williams

Aug 11, 2015

Ball State University

7 Unexpected Things That College Teaches You

1. How to sleep in until the last possible minute and still be on time (barely).

You hit that snooze alarm. Go for it. You’ve got time. Messy bun it is.

2. How to write a seven page paper in an hour.

Just repeat your point a few different times in a few different ways. Put in two spaces between sentences. And add lots and lots of bullshiting.

3. How to write a seven page paper on something you don’t know anything about.

Lots and lots of bullshitting.

4. How to live on $17 for two weeks.

"I can get a McChicken tonight, eat ramen for the next four days, and I’m pretty sure there’s an event on campus with free pizza tomorrow night..."

5. How to sort out your priorities, like buying alcohol over dinner tonight.

I had a big lunch, I’ll be okay.

6. How to make any task worthy of a nap afterwards.

“Man, that walk to class was draining. I should nap.” “I studied for like, 20 minutes. I can squeeze in a power nap.”

7. How not to kill the people you’re paired with for group projects.

Need I say more?

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Recommended for you

7 Unexpected Things That College Teaches You

Yeah, you learn about your career and stuff, but you also learn how to run off of four hours of sleep for two days.

1. How to sleep in until the last possible minute and still be on time (barely).

2. How to write a seven page paper in an hour.

3. How to write a seven page paper on something you don’t know anything about.

4. How to live on $17 for two weeks.

5. How to sort out your priorities, like buying alcohol over dinner tonight.

6. How to make any task worthy of a nap afterwards.

7. How not to kill the people you’re paired with for group projects.

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Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

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