The “extroverted introvert…” We are rare to find and complex to understand. At first glance, we seem like a total extrovert, so when we decide we need our time and space many people feel confused. I am here to help you understand us and to help others like me feel better understood. Here are some key things to remember when being friends with an extroverted introvert:

We love to talk, but we don’t always say what’s on our mind.

The extroverted part of us wants to be the life of the party, sharing stories and cracking jokes. In the meantime, though, there is so much going on under the surface that doesn’t meet the eye. We are analyzing our surroundings and keeping a careful watch of what is going on. And while we’re telling you about the new cafe we checked out last weekend, we’re wondering what you’re thinking of us, planning an escape if necessary, and calculating how long we have to withstand the small talk before we can move on to something else.

We’ll go out and party, but not more than once during a weekend.

We are so excited to get dressed up and hit the town, just as any extrovert would be. We will make new friends, dance the night away, and laugh until we cry. Don’t expect to see us the next day, though. Sure, we had fun, but we need our alone time to recharge.

Just because we turn down your plans one day doesn’t mean we don’t like you.

This is an especially important thing to note. We love spending time with our friends, and we love being included in activities and outings. Don’t be offended if we turn down your plans one day, though, and don’t overthink it. This doesn’t mean we don’t like you, it just means we genuinely want to be by ourselves that day. Sometimes being around people and working within their plans is genuinely exhausting. But, chances are we’ll come out next time!

We love meeting new people, but will never be the one to start the conversation.

Sometimes we go do something alone just to see who we can meet. Being alone makes a person more approachable, which is ideal for socializing. Don’t expect us to say hello, though. We’re genuinely interested in meeting you, but we will never initiate the conversation.

We connect with people easily but are very cautious to tear down our walls.

When we do meet someone new, we can talk with them for hours! Don’t expect to get deep right away, though. We tend to keep personal things to ourselves, so be patient.

We may have many social circles, but we pride ourselves on our independence.

We love bouncing from friend group to friend group, but we value our independence. We will not schedule plans around anyone else, and we don’t want anyone to change their plans to match ours. We want to be free to come and go as we please, no strings attached.

We value our alone time, but we promise we value your friendship too.

Although we may not always want to spend time with our friends, we love you more than you know. Sometimes we want our space, and we need friends who can respect that. But we need to know we have people to count on and people who count on us, and at the end of the day, needing space or not, we would do anything for you.

Please take the time to understand where your extroverted introvert friends are coming from. While we may seem distant or disconnected at times, we want to love and be loved. We want to go out and have fun. And we want to build relationships with people who respect us for who we are.