It's a hard topic, not many people want to talk about.

It's time.

The holiday time of year is not easy for my family. I've heard many people say that I must be lucky, having separated parents, right? Double the presents, double the parties. Sounds fun, right? It's true, we get that. Great, huh?

It's not.

That doesn't make up for anything.

Two Christmases doesn't make up for condensing two weeks worth of events into a conversation over dinner.

It doesn't make up for canceled plans to see my family. It doesn't make up for lack of communication.

It doesn't make up for awkward school events. It doesn't make up for missed holidays. It doesn't make up for phone call wishes.

It doesn't make up for hour drives. It doesn't make up for guilty feelings. It doesn't make up for shortened time. It doesn't make up for bad days. It doesn't make up for arguments.

It doesn't make up for anything.

There is not a single thing that could make up for any of that.

Living out of a suitcase every other weekend gets exhausting, and don't get me started on holidays. Sometimes, it feels like I'm trying to make as many appearances as possible. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but it feels like it's so planned out that sometimes I just want to stay home and not even celebrate. When a friend tries to make plans, there is no one hundred percent answer, because we really don't know.

Please try to understand this before you say that someone with separated parents is lucky.

We aren't as lucky as we seem.