There's a huge storm coming and I'm right in the midst of it. The sky is filled with dark gloomy clouds, so much so that the blue of the sky is no longer visible. I'm alone and the storm is mocking me. When people ask me what having anxiety feels like, this is the description I would love to give them but I don't. They simply wouldn't understand. So instead I just shrug my shoulders nonchalantly and say, "It's nothing really." Of course that's a lie. But the only person who can really help someone who suffers from anxiety is themselves, because it's a difficult illness for a non-anxiety sufferer to comprehend.
The first problem is that people don't think it's an actual illness. Usually they just say that someone with anxiety is being overly dramatic, or "just being a teenager." A lot of anxiety sufferers begin seeing symptoms when they hit this age, but because of the teenage stereotypes out there, it's not something that's taken seriously. I've been laughed at, mocked, blamed, and even asked what I could possibly have to worry about at my age. These are simply reactions of people who don't understand what it's like living with generalized anxiety disorder, or GAD. Yes, it's a real thing. According to ADAA, "generalized anxiety disorder is characterized by persistent, excessive, and unrealistic worry about everyday things". This textbook definition is honestly right on the dot, but I'm going to tell you personally exactly what anxiety feels like.
Anxiety is worrying about every little thing, to the point where you are worrying about worrying. It's wondering every day what people will think about you when they see you. It's stressing about school, your future, your relationships, but excessively and obsessively to the point where your mind is racing 20 miles a minute and you can't focus or get a good night's sleep. It's having panic attacks out of nowhere and getting social anxiety just driving to someone's house; anywhere unfamiliar and with a lot of unfamiliar people is simply out of the question. It's getting nervous rashes and clamming up every time you have to give a speech at school, or you have a meeting with a boss. It's constantly questioning your self worth, doubting every decision you make, and giving up easily. It's racing heartbeats, breathlessness, shaking hands, and feeling numb. This is just part of what anxiety feels like. I could go on for pages and pages, but you get the point. When I have a panic or anxiety attack, I don't even recognize myself. It's like my anxiety takes over and I'm a different person who isn't in touch with reality. Luckily for me, it doesn't last forever. Some people aren't so lucky.
Anxiety is by far a very generalized term, hence the name of the diagnosis. Every sufferer has different symptoms and different feelings associated with anxiety, but every sufferer also has something in common with another. This is why we need to band together. Even though it feels like we are alone, we're not. ADAA states that "GAD affects 6.8 million adults, or 3.1 percent of the U.S. population, in every given year." That is a lot of people going through the same thing and feeling just as alone and hopeless as you and me. It is our job to not stay hidden within ourselves, even though that seems like the easier way. It is our job to educate those who don't understand what we are going through so that they can be there for us. Friends, family, educators, and other important people in our lives want to be there for us (for the most part). And if they don't, there is someone else out there who does. Our well-being is important. Even if we are convinced that anxiety is nothing more than a phase, or a melodramatic over exaggeration, we have to re-convince ourselves that anxiety is real and serious. If you are currently in control of your anxiety, I'm happy for you and couldn't be more proud. But if you struggle to keep your emotions in check and can't seem to shake the dark cloud named Anxiety that follows you around, don't stay silent. Get help.
For me, my anxiety has kept me from doing so many things I should be doing and having fun doing at my age. It's like I start to do something that is out of my comfort zone and I think I'm winning, but then the dark cloud looms over my shoulder and whispers to me, "What do you think you're doing? You can't do that. You can't handle that." I can almost feel my anxiety laughing at me, as I give in to it and turn away from whatever I was about to do. It's time to stop giving in, and instead face your anxiety head on. It's time to let the walls down and look anxiety in the face and yell as loud as you can,
I WILL NOT BOW DOWN TO YOU ANYMORE.
That felt good didn't it?
