"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, and taking the moment and making the best out of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. - Delicious Ambiguity"
Everyone is different. That's what makes life so intriguing. Life would be so boring if everyone was the same, but maybe we are all the same when it comes to this: you like to have everything all planned and figured out.
When I graduated high school, I thought I had it all figured out, but God had another plan for me. I was going to attend a big name university like Alabama or Mississippi State. I was going to major in nursing and eventually become a nurse anesthetist, trauma nurse, or even a surgeon ( Grey's Anatomy had a little part of this choice). I had set my plans in stone and I applied to both schools, got accepted, made moving plans, found some roommates, and everything. I was so sure about my future, but God took over.
I currently attend Calhoun Community College and I am studying aerospace engineering, with plans on transferring to the University of Alabama- Huntsville full-time in the spring. I plan on building and designing missiles for a large company such as ULA, Lockheed-Martin, or Boeing. Now, with that being said, I may have lead you to believe that I have my life all planned and figured out. I know exactly where I am going in life, and I am heading in the perfect direction to know what I want to do with my life... But you would be sadly mistaken if you thought everything just came that easily.
I swore up and down that I would never attend any school in Huntsville, Alabama, but sure enough.... Here I am. And the truth is, I have no idea what school I will be attending next year, what I will actually end up getting a degree in, what new or old town I will be living in, or even what friends I will have two years from now... and as astonishing as it sounds, I'm starting to be completely fine with that.
The truth of the matter is it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to be lost, because with God, you will always be lost in the right direction. It's okay to not have everything all planned and figured out like you thought so many times before. Being twenty-one, I know that I have so many life experiences to come, but I have never felt closer to God than I do in these times of desperation and weakness. When I have just felt so lost, I depend on Him to help me walk with Him in the times when I feel like I can't take another step.
I have been so blessed with these years since graduating high school. I have grown in Christ, and God opened my eyes to so many different things. He has brought people in and out of my life. He has given and taken away in His time. Even though my plan may have not been the same as God's that doesn't mean that He doesn't love me.
People always ask me, "Do you wish you would've gone off to school? Don't you feel like you missed out?" and my answer will always be, "I'm right where I'm supposed to be." Right now, in this very moment, I am exactly where I need to be. God always sees me, and in moments of weakness, I look up and pray. God just simply proves that He has something better in store for me and I take His word for it.
There are times where I find myself getting mad and frustrated with God and I was want to scream at Him and yell, "What is my calling? Where do You want me to go to college? What do You want me to do as a career? Who do You want me to marry? Where do You want me to live? What is my purpose?!" As much as I would love to say that I have always had one-hundred percent faith in God, I would be lying.
Uncertainty.
I believe God uses uncertainty to drive us to Him. To lean on Him when we may not know the way. To draw us closer to Him. Ease our stress to let Him show us the way.
So, yes. I believe not knowing is a good thing. I believe it's a healthy thing. I believe not knowing is a beautiful thing because in these times of desperation, it teaches us to solely depend and trust in Him. With all of the uncertainty that comes in this life, we can always be sure of one thing; We serve a God that is capable of doing anything with us that He wants, and that's why I have learned the beauty of not knowing and why it is okay.
After all, having everything planned perfectly for your life... where's the fun in that? All the memories and moments that have made you who you are wouldn't have happened without imperfection. It's not where you end up, it's all about the journey that got you there.
I have a purpose where I am, and what I do know is that He wouldn't have placed me where I am if this wasn't the right path for me.
TRUST IN HIM.
Stop stressing. Learn to pray. Learn to laugh.Learn to put every ounce of faith in Jesus. To rid yourself and let Him ruin you for the sake of the gospel. Let Him steer, because if I have learned anything it's that His plans for you will always be bigger and far greater than your own.
Rest in His promises, we are His.
When in doubt:
1 Chronicles 16:11
John 10:10
Jeremiah 29:11
Matthew 6:33
Jeremiah 17:5
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
