Earlier this year, gay marriage swept the nation and has finally become the law of the land. It seems that being gay is, forgive me, the new normal. Gays are everywhere; in fact, we’ve always been there. That’s right, you’re reading words written by a gay right now. But just because we’re seeing more LGBTQI+ representation in the media (say what you will about "Glee," it did wonders for the gay community), queer folks still hesitate when it comes to "coming out."

For example, I am not entirely out to my family as of writing of this article. Why? Well, that’s a complicated question. First of all, I’m not one to talk about feelings or emotions or anything remotely vulnerable. I came out to my mom via phone call in a literal closet, and I came out to my dad by saying “By the way I’m gay, goodnight!” and then promptly fleeing to my room. That was four years ago.

Since then, we haven’t really mentioned it at all, which is a-OK with me. Partly because I’ve only dated one guy who I’ve considered bringing home, but we broke up shortly before I told my parents about him (and I’m sure he knows what he did), and partly because it really isn’t anyone’s business.

However, in our society, being gay is less about getting butterflies because a cute guy said "hi" to you in class, and more about who you’re banging when the lights go out. Try as I might, when I say I’m gay, no one thinks about hand-holding and cuddling whilst watching "Ghost Adventures" on Netflix, but a gross image of two uncooked hot dogs slapping together. It doesn’t help that the gay dating app “Grindr” has now become a punchline in even the most hetero of communities.

(Can you tell I'm total Star Wars trash?)

Being gay has become a highly sexualized thing, partly because some hardcore evangelists like to paint all queer folks as being over-sexed, and pedophiles. You will notice that I have not used the term “homosexual” to refer to myself or others like me (note: “queer” has become the choice term in this modern age) because the origin of the word was initially thought of as a mental health diagnosis, as being gay was once "deviant" behavior.

Every time I work at a new place or meet a new person, I have to calculate if it’s safe for me to come out to them. At one of my previous jobs, I referred to my ex-boyfriend as my “significant other,” “the person I’m seeing,” or simply “my friend.” I became a master of gender neutral terms when referring to him (and no, mom, I’m not talking about Odyssey All-Star Jacob Godbey; we’re just friends). I had to have a semi-tense conversation with a couple of my female pals who were referring to me as their “gay friend” and why that made me uncomfortable—a personal aspect of who I am was revealed to a complete stranger without my consent.

It's pretty wild in this country that even though gay marriage is 100 percent legal, people still fight it. You lost guys, give in to the impending tsunami of progress and let the tacky rainbow-colored wave of diversity wash over you. Because of these radical feelings—mostly based in religion, but that's a different conversation—many people still stay closeted at school or in the workplace.

At school, for example, many gay teens have to worry about bullying or school administrators being incredibly homophobic. Part of the reason why the "It Gets Better" campaign started was to address these issues, but we still have a long way to go. The workplace is no better, Missoula is the only city in Montana to have any sort of anti-discrimination laws in place to protect LGBTQI+ employees and tenants; elsewhere in the state you can get fired from your job or denied services simply because you love someone with the same gender identity as yourself. Its no wonder many people prefer to stay closeted, even in a country where same-sex marriage is now just marriage.

So this is my coming out. This is me telling all those who do not know, I am 100 percent gay. Sometimes, I’m hella gay, hardcore 8 on the Kinsey scale gay. Then again, I am a male Theatre Major, so what did you expect? This is me, coming out, for the 10,000th time, since the first time I admitted it to myself when I was 17 (though I knew earlier, my first dream that gave me a funny feeling down there was about Luke Skywalker in "The Empire Strikes Back").

Love,

Sean “Queer as a Three-Dollar-Bill” Kirkpatrick

(Poe is totally gay for Finn, btw.)