Ah, the Commons. Also known as the Teaching and Learning Center, the TLC, or the place that always smells like overpriced Mexican food and okay coffee. We all spend (waste) time there, but if you're anything like me and are too lazy to walk home and spend the hour(s) between classes being productive, you've invested far too much time in line at Einstein's. The TLC is not just a place, it's a pastime. Here's how it's done.
1. Walk out of class, put in headphones. This is where your journey into antisocial chillaxing begins.
2. Go to the bathroom and check yourself out. You're about to spend an hour in public, alone. You've gotta look fresh.
3. Fill your water bottle. It's all about that hydration, baby. Plus, drinking a lot is a good excuse to go to the bathroom and check yourself out again.
4. Go to Einstein's. Even though Sisters' Brew is far better, college is about convenience. So go get yourself a bagel with Honey Almond shmear and dig in.
5. Go to a quiet room and study. We all know that's not going to happen. More like "go to a quiet room and play Candy Crush until you run out of lives."
6. Try to get comfortable. This is much harder than it sounds. At least no one judges you for going spread eagle in the chairs because they understand the struggle (I think).
7. Leave the quiet room because people have figured out you're not actually studying. What gave me away? The fact that I don't actually have my backpack or was it the Snapchat video I accidentally played out loud?
8. Avoid the vendors and tables at all costs. Unless they're giving out candy. Then grab as much as you can and run.
9. Find a new place to sit. And act like you haven't been roaming around for the past 20 minutes.
10. If anyone else tries to sit in your area, give them a discouraging look. This is your spot, bitch.
11. Unless, UNLESS, said person is attractive. Then invite them in with your most seductive gaze.
12. Which probably looks more like this.
13. If they sit down, play it cool. No promises.
14. Take out that copy of the New York Times you picked up to look sophisticated for your new crush. *Desperately searches for celebrity gossip*
15. Send a blurry picture of your friend across the cafeteria to him/her to show you care. #paparazzi
16. Take one last "Ugh so bored" selfie for your story. I mean, your phone's already out...
17. Time to kiss the Commons goodbye and go to class! Until next time, TLC. Maybe next time we'll get something done. ;)
