Summer vacation. It has many benefits (almost endless amounts of chill time, no school, warmer weather and again, because of its importance, no school), a couple of drawbacks (bugs, laziness, over-the-top hot weather) and of course the activity that is dreaded as much as it is looked forward to: shopping, particularly the yearly trip to the outlet mall.
1. The Rainmakers
These are the people who make it rain, both in terms of money and the amount of products they buy. They go out of their way to purchase something from each store they step into and are often found carrying more bags than they can safely handle.
They seem to have very, very deep pockets when it comes to how much they are willing to spend, and are therefore the primary targets of the in-store salespeople. So, amidst all the jealousy directed at the Rainmakers, show them a little gratitude for the distraction they provide.
2. The Hoarders-To-Be
These are the people whom, at the first sight of a sale, purchase everything available on a discount. They buy items in bulk, choosing to believe that they will use the 300 hand soaps they bought from Bath & Body Works at some point in their lives. Unfortunately for the hoarders-to-be, the items they buy must go somewhere — a reality they are forced to face when they get home, resulting in a setting similar to the picture above.
Nobody needs 300 soaps, no matter how much of a bargain they were.
3. The Sad Sack
These are the unfortunate souls who have seen one too many door-buster sales, maybe two too many irrational customers. They have become disillusioned with the store and the mall itself and are simply waiting for their shift to end, a fact they are happy to remind you of when given the chance: "I would help you, but Dana is free? Ask Dana, ma'am!" Please do these survivors a favor and ask Dana instead.
4. The Leech
Yes, we see you. The leeches of the mall are the people (often in my age group) whose sole purpose in life is to drain their parents' bank accounts, often with fake smiles plastered across their faces.
"Mom. Mom. Mom. Can we go to the Nike store? I need new shoes. Can we go to the Gap? I need new clothes. Can we go to Coach? I need a new purse." We get it. You need stuff, as does everyone. But there are limits to how much you can ask for, so chill out.
5. The Sidekick
These poor children are just that: poor children. Unfortunately, they are too young to make their own decisions and are therefore roped into their parents' plans. They sometimes squabble or squirm around but are most commonly found dejectedly following their mothers or fathers into the stores. We feel you, kid — because all of us were you at some point in our lives.
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