I've often written about our tendency to judge ourselves by others' fake Insta-realities and condemn our truthful selves in favor of glamorized shots of the lives we wish we were living. We don't look in the mirror anymore unless it is to critique and hate ourselves. Partly because I wanted to see if I would be able to do it, and partly because I wondered how it would impact me, I decided to undergo the challenge of staring at my reflection with a few friends. The rules were simple: don't break eye contact for two minutes, no matter how uncomfortable you feel. The effects: more groundbreaking than we could realize.

Friend 1: A New Perspective

Funny enough, even though I hate my body and myself, I thought I looked really peaceful and, I mean, I didn't notice things that I usually hate (or at least am uncomfortable with). They didn't create the strong feelings they usually do. I feel peaceful, and I don't know, there was kind of like this weird sensation of 'Oh, you know what? I should give myself more acceptance because my face looked fine.' I didn't notice my pimples, my dry skin, my tired eyes, as much. Suddenly, it all wasn't such a big deal.

It's nice to just see me and not anyone else and not have to compare myself to other peoples' faces and looks. Also, what I found was that I actually liked my face shape and jawline a lot, and I had never noticed that. I know that seems really weird, but I noticed parts of my face I'd never seen before or bothered looking at. I usually feel more uncomfortable about my body more than my face, so just seeing only my face instead of the rest of my body really had an impact. I focused on that one aspect and really appreciated it a lot more.

I was expecting to explain to you what it feels like to dislike myself. Don't get me wrong, it felt really strange to do this exercise, but I thought the only thing would get out of this would be the words to explain to you how bad I felt, but instead of that I just looked at my face and thought, 'Wow that's peaceful.' Maybe my current mental state is impacting how I felt about myself in that moment, even though I still have lots of anxiety and low self-esteem, but this exercise just was really soothing. Maybe learning to love yourself in another way and be happy about yourself and your progress in some other aspect feels like it allows you to be more gentle with yourself and giving yourself more of a break. This definitely gives another perspective, which is nice.

Friend 2: Uncomfortable In My Own Skin

This was a really weird experience. I stared at myself in the mirror for three minutes, and I honestly mostly questioned myself. I saw a lot of blemishes on my body that I normally don't even think about. It was an odd experience since I've never done it before, but I'd mostly describe it as negative. But these days I'm not comfortable in my own skin, so sitting in front of the mirror didn't help too much.

Friend 3: Distractions

I found it difficult to think about much other than surface area things. I saw how bloodshot my eyes are, and how green they look today, and how cool my eyes look when the light plays off of them. I saw my long lashes, my freckles...but then I picked out imperfections almost obsessively. Eyelashes out of place that didn't want to work with me this morning when I did my makeup. My dry, flaky scalp. I saw my big forehead and all the thoughtful wrinkles that lie there...which I see as both an imperfection and a sign of a life in constant thought, so I don't obsess as much over it anymore. My crooked nose is still a point of contention for me, so I tried my best not to think about it. Then I tried to focus back in on my eyes, feeling as though maybe I wasn't doing this right and I was supposed to stay focused on my eyes the whole time. Before I knew it, the time was up and I didn't feel as though I had really thought about anything, despite all of the fast-moving thoughts that actually went through my head. Upon reflection, I am observing once again that my mind moves very very quickly; I either obsess over one thing in a million different ways or think of a ton of different topics in the span of only a couple minutes.

Now it's my turn

Like all of my friends, I had a tendency to pick out minor aspects of my face: acne, freckles, bags under my eyes. For the first 30 seconds or so, I imagined what I would do to change my face if I had a magic wand. I'd start with my big nose, and then I would smooth out my complexion, etc.

But then I stopped. I forced myself to really look in my own eyes. And I started to realize that maybe the thing that makes a face beautiful is simply because it is a face. Maybe it isn't any kind of specific feature that is more desirable than any other, maybe instead it is just each unique aspect of each individual face that is beautiful in and of itself.

I tried to look past the physical and make eye contact with myself. I tried to keep from making any kind of facial expression, but instead let my eyes talk and show the independent, somewhat defiant, and determined individual therein. What was most shocking about this experience was that the person who looked back at me almost seemed like a familiar stranger: someone you recognize from somewhere but can't quite pinpoint who they are.

I think that is our biggest problem: we treat ourselves, our reflections as strangers to be taunted and teased when we should be treating them as loved ones to cherish and nurture. It isn't about what we have or don't have, it's about who we are capable of being and the assets we already have (even if we don't know them).

Not everyone's experience was comfortable, but sometimes being uncomfortable is a good thing because it helps us get to the root of what exactly is making us feel so anxious, and then seeing what we can do about that. In cases like these, it isn't us, it's society, but that doesn't mean we have to allow ourselves to feel as though we have to look a certain way.

Everyone needs to partake in this challenge with open minds, prepared to learn and not to criticize, to understand and not to condemn. And most importantly, to admire and accept, not to reject or ridicule. As clichéd as it is, we are beautiful simply because we are. Stop hiding from yourself and confront the person you really are. It will change everything.