Welcome to my diary.

I have been lost this whole week. On Tuesday night, I did not sleep. I was up all night, writing, trying to keep myself together. While everyone I knew in Boston posted status after status about how lost and sad and shocked they were, I wrote in my diary. And while my feelings generally matched theirs, I still felt alone. I felt as if my whole country had picked me up and pushed me to the side, and allowed Trump to step into the light as if he had conquered. So I wrote.

I have an anxiety disorder. Like so many other millennials, I need to find outlets to voice my stress, to maintain my sanity. Sometimes, I stay up until 6 am and take up all the pages in my diary. Tuesday night was one of those times.

The night began with dread. My writing is frantic and empty at the same time. My feelings are everywhere, and I can't seem to contain my handwriting, which is usually a beautiful calligraphic style.

"I can't believe he won. I'm lost. I didn't see this coming. I'm sitting on my kitchen floor, wrapped in a blanket. I don't want to wake up [my boyfriend], because it kills him to see me like this. And it's 3 am. [...] The entire country voted against me. I've been betrayed by my own country. Ignored, pushed aside, disregarded. People I know. They hate Hillary so much that they decided to disregard the feelings and safety of so many people. They hate our system so much that they decided to hate me too. I'm only one person. I don't understand. I'm trying to make sense of it."

For years to come, my memory of sitting on the cold tile will stay in my mind, vividly. But I was shaky and afraid. My thoughts and feelings were not clear. They were rushing out of me. After so many steps forward, how can we have taken such a huge step backward?

"It's like that feeling I had in sophomore year the week after I came out [as a bisexual]. Listening to [family] talk about me in the kitchen, sitting on the steps to the level above, about how it didn't make sense, I'd only had boyfriends, like I wasn't even there. It's like I'm not even here. I'm different. I've always felt different, and I've generally accepted that until now. I'm not allowed to be different. I thought I could, I thought that I found a place where I could be me.We've chosen an America where being different can kill you. I'm not ready to take these steps backwards."

Being different is what makes us all who we are. As a musician at Berklee, I've always thought that I was different from most. Honestly, it caused some really big problems for me growing up, even though I looked like everyone else at school, and had generally the same upbringing as them. I was different. I've taught myself that being different is my strength. But now, it seems that it is going to become my weakness. But only if I let it.

I need to take a moment the reach out and say a direct thank you to the Berklee College of Music community. We have something so amazing here, where we can all speak our minds and create content that everyone supports. We all love what we do. We are all outspoken, wide open, sensitive, loving artists. And having a community like this where I can go to school to learn, and feel safe to be different, is so remarkable. I want everyone from my Berklee community to really understand and recognize that. We have something so special, and I need to thank you for continuing to be welcoming, and supportive, and honest, and so inspiring. Never be silenced, and please continue to be involved.

For the two days following the election, l completely filled my journal. To post every article I wrote inside would be impossible. Mostly there's a lot of repetition. Fear. Loneliness. Thank god for my boyfriend, who may not be as affected by this, but he cares that I care, and is involved and supportive of me, for me. I'd still be in bed now, if he hadn't forced me to wake up yesterday. That leads to this entry.

" All I know is how to love people, that's how I heal. How can so many people have chosen to hate? To vote for the purpose of voting AGAINST someone, rather than voting FOR someone? To choose policy as a bigger priority than social well-being? People have learned to prioritize with the negative over what we actually have. People have focused so much on the bad, that they forgot to see the good. And we're blaming each other for it. Thank god for [my boyfriend]. Honestly, I don't know where I'd be if things had not worked out between us. We have had such a long road, but in the end we have ended up so strong and so happy. Growing up with him has been the best experience, regardless of all the bad. I've always known that people matter most, and people deserve second and third chances, and people deserve the space to grow and learn and try again. I'm so happy that he gave me that space, and I gave him that chance. We are happier now, despite all the bad, and he is living proof that People Matter Most. Why can't everyone think that way? Why can't people be open minded and forgiving? Especially those who support my candidate [Clinton]. We write off those who are so frustrated and need to grow. We write off Trump voters as lost and angry and racist. And maybe they are. But their change won't be positive, and that positive change has to start with us."

This is so important. I understand that hate crimes have risen in the last two days, and our country is divided. I understand that we all feel afraid, and vulnerable. I understand that we can't hug everyone who calls us horrible names, without ever knowing anything about us. We all have our little weird quirks, and now we're scared to show them. But let's just step back and see everyone as an individual. Let's admit that we all have faults, some more harmful than others. Let's give people the benefit of the doubt, and trump hate with love.

It's taken me two days to sift through most of my feelings, but I never felt angry at those who voted for Trump. Most did it to fight the system which they feel oppresses them, and they honestly believe that Clinton is part of that system. Some are afraid of others and their differences. This turns into violence, and division. But I am determined to continue to believe that People Matter Most. The only way we can move forward is by fixing the deepest rooted problem which has divided us in the first place; our anger towards each other.

Everyone's reaction is to either hide or get angry. But allowing people the space to make huge mistakes, to be not-perfect people, even bad people, at some point in their lives, allows them the opportunity to become great, amazing people. If I had not allowed my relationship to fail time and time again, it would not have risen as strong as it is now. So what if we forgave instead?

Here is what I propose.

Let's begin a campaign for love.

I know that we have to fight against racism, and our social differences. Some people talk about leaving the country - but that's not an option. We have allowed it to fail, and we have been part of this equation.

Of course we have to fight. Of course we have to stand strong against the hate which has brought us so far down. But instead of calling it protesting, and approaching this all as a battle.. we should spread love. While certain individuals are inspired to spread hate, and rejoice through other peoples' fear, we must do the opposite.

Let's push an agenda that, instead of putting some people down, picks EVERYONE up.

Forgive those with so much hate in their hearts that they wish others pain. Stand by in solidarity with the people who feel alone. Put people first, and policy second. Live in a world where instead of dividing everyone, we stand together, and understand that we are on the same team. We are all Americans, patriots, and humans.

"Loving and forgiving the people whom I have hated has been the hardest, but absolutely the most rewarding part of my life. It allows me to let go of that person who made me so hateful that I hated myself. And it allowed me to love everyone around me."

I don't necessarily mean that we go around giving out hugs to people who hate us. It's an attitude. While you are protesting, allow yourself to love instead of hate. Turn your energy and passion into positive feelings, instead of anger. Choose the positive. Push aside the negative, and watch yourself turn into a whole person, rather than a citizen who is half pain and anger, half you.

Campaign love. Spread the idea that People Matter Most. All people. Any people. And instead of being with her, be with your entire country. Knock down the walls that divide us. Do something. Go to the rally in the city, and go with the attitude to love. Don't allow yourself to say negative things or spread more hate.

This is how we can begin to heal. It starts with you.