As someone who has been through a lot and has their own occasional bout with depression and/or anxiety, I know what it's like to feel as though the world is after your blood. Maybe you blame yourself for everything going wrong around you, or you scream that occasional embarrassing thought about something you did all the way back in fifth grade out of your head on your drive home. This past year and a half caused me to do a lot of thinking, crying, changing, and healing, and I want to pass on what I've learned and how I got better because I believe that if it can help at least one person, then I've done something worthwhile.

And, as cliche as it sounds, you may be asking yourself, "Well why the hell should I be listening to some college student online that's clearly full of themselves?" I can safely say that the steps I'm about to provide are more like guidelines. Follow them or don't. The point of this is to help recognize that our power is in our choices. I want to pass these steps on because they've certainly help me achieve a healthier life and a clearer state of mind.

(Fair warning, this healing process is not for the faint of heart. Yes, there is some emotional work involved.)

1. Admit to yourself that you’re powerless and that your life is unmanageable.

Some of us will want to try and hold on to our problems, believing that if we just don't give up, we can solve them. We can make a solution if we just try hard enough. I'm here to tell you that it doesn't quite work that way. Sometimes, recognizing what power we don't have over a situation or another person helps us put our own issues into perspective and allows us to realize what we are missing from our OWN lives. After all, that's what's important here- not the other person, not the problem, YOU.

2. Stop hating yourself and believe that the universe works through karma.

For me personally, this is the way to go, but you can believe in whatever you want. Whether you know it or not, you deserve as much love and happiness as those around you because you, too, are an individual. Blowing out another's candle or wishing you had their spark won't make yours burn brighter. As long as you don't find yourself pondering over the "what-if's" and "maybes" of life or your problems, you'll see the true potential you have for making your life great in the present moment. A good technique to remember is to ask yourself, "do I have everything I need in this EXACT moment to be ok?" If so, you should be fine. Repeat this process as needed.

3. Turn your life over to said universe and make friends with it. Don’t seek revenge or justice (Spoiler alert: the universe will do it for you).

As the old saying goes, "Karma's a bitch." As long as you keep yours in check and do what you can of your own heart, you'll be fine. Remember: give of yourself when you can, but don't pour from an empty cup. You need to make your own feelings and stability the priority over the needs of others. Ask kindly of the universe and of those around you for help when you need it and adjust yourself accordingly.

4. Make a completely honest and productive moral inventory of yourself.

The simplest way to do this is by making a list of all your defects of character. And be honest about this because no one else has to read this list but you. These defects are not just things you don't like about yourself, but things you will actively work to change one day at a time. Easy does it.

5. Admit the EXACT nature of your wrongs. Be a positive force on yourself and others.

Like I said earlier, keep your karma in the positive. Negative thoughts and ill will towards others won't aid in pulling you out of the dark. If you make a mistake, be honest about it. Don't be embarrassed or hold it in; part of self improvement is realizing that confusion is a sign of growth, and making mistakes a natural part of who we are as people.

6. Become willing to have your faults removed. Don’t take someone else’s inventory for them.

The important parts of this step lie in the words, "become willing." Being willing and being ready for something are two different steps. Becoming willing to accept change is like sticking your toe in the water. Test it, become accustomed to a process before you dive in. As for taking another person's inventory, just remember to consult step one. You cannot change another person, nor should you try. You can only hope for the best for them and allow them to learn and make their own choices. Let them do so, as you would want the same thing for yourself, no doubt.

7. Don’t expect too much too quickly. And cry. A lot.

Expectations only hinder progress and promote despair. Despair itself gives us the idea that nothing will change no matter what we try and that the future is set in stone, but this is not true. All we have is now, and there is always room to try. Even though coping with our powerlessness can be hard, crying is sometimes necessary just to vent our feelings. Showing emotion and vulnerability in not weakness, it is an opportunity to take in what the universe and those who care about us can offer us.

8. Make a list of all those you’ve harmed and be willing to make amends to them.

I've had a lot of friends share this stupid Tumblr post that says something along the lines of "If I'm angry at someone and don't want to forgive them, that's my choice. I have earned the right to be this angry, and that feeling matters to me. I hold on to it to remind me that it's important to who I am now and to remind me of how they hurt me."

Yeah, don't do that.

Forgiveness is not a chore, nor should it be seen as one. It is simply an admission. You do this act to cleanse your own soul so that you can move into the present more freely. Past attachments and holding on to grief will not allow you to advance. Instead, it enables you to stay as the same, unhappy person with no motivation to better yourself. I've been there.

9. Make direct amends to these people without causing harm to them OR yourself.

This particular step comes so low on the list for a reason. Amends are made when we are ready to accept our own shortcomings and admit that we were wrong. However, the important part of this step is not in whether or not the person we apologize to accepts our feelings, but that we were willing and able to express them. Remember: if you don't feel ready to apologize to someone in particular at a certain time, that's ok. Keep them in your memory, but don't skip out on this step. Become willing, admit why you feel the way you do, maybe talk about it with someone, and come back to it later. You will feel so much better afterwards. It beats staying angry by miles.

10. Keep track of your personal inventory. Remember to admit when you’re wrong.

Check in with your Step 4 list every now and again. When you can see changes, mark the shortcoming you had trouble with off. It may come back, but for now, you've made progress. Keep yourself honest and don't be afraid to admit when you've done something wrong. To quote The Office, "Secret secrets are no fun. Secret secrets hurt someone."

11. Keep your patience. Stay humble. Make art. Change what you can.

Allow your experiences and changes to influence you. Don't focus on the problem that started you on this path, focus on who you've become as a result. Create, laugh, and remember what it feels like to smile again. You'll come to appreciate the little things a lot more when you realize how much they can make your day. Push no one but yourself.

12. Don’t dwell on things that you can’t change. Regrets are mistakes you don’t learn from. Repeat.

Wise words, courtesy of my girlfriend. Keep them with you. If you've learned from bad experiences, then you've changed. You're not a lost cause who needs to be saved, you can be your own hero.

This process is not a one-shot deal, it is a list to live by. A process is never truly complete, just as our lives are never truly over or complete. We all journey to find answers to questions we hold, always seeking adventure, friendship, happiness, or what have you. Once you get into the habit of following some of these steps, they will stick with you and become natural behavior.

"Life's not out to get you." - Neck Deep