Its starts out with a movie date, late night phone calls, and goodmorning texts from him. It starts with a pretty necklace from your favorite store and a dozen roses at your door, So, when he starts to have random mood swings, and blames you for his emotions, you make any possible excuse you can, convincing yourself that it's just another bad day.
When a relationship starts out good, you don't want to believe that it was not what you thought it was. So, here's twelve signs that you're in an abusive relationship:
1. He pushes for quick involvement.
He will rush into sex. He will guilt trip you into giving him a blowjob, and when you say no he will be upset, as it was your duty to please him. He will make you feel bad for saying no as if you were supposed to please him whenever he asked you to. He will say, "If you really loved me, you'd be having sex with me"
2. He is constantly jealous.
He doesn't want you around other guys, and will always be skeptical of your loyalty. Whether you want to go to bed and he throws a fit because he doesn't want you to get off the phone, or you want to go see a movie with your best friend and her boyfriend, he will get angry about it and make you feel as though you're doing something wrong.
3. He is controlling .
Whether he doesn't want you to wear that outfit because it makes you look like a "slut", or he makes you run off his schedule, he controls you. He will tell you that it's your fault and that you don't give him enough attention, he will call you fat and tell you to stop eating, or he will tell you that you're out too much.
4. He is hypersensitive.
Whether you are joking around with him, or haven't said anything at all, he is sensitive to the touch. He will be insulted easily and tell you that you're being a mean. It won't matter how many times he picks on you, if someone says something he doesn't like - it's offensive.
5. He verbally abuses and degrades you.
Whether he tells you he is playing around, or he is just kidding, you can feel that he is not. He calls you names, and will scream in your face when you voice your opinion. He will degrade you, tell you that you are worthless and that you're lucky he stays with you. Hell pick on you for being annoying, or saying you talk too much, and whether or not he is laughing about it, it hurts.
6. There is rigid gender roles in the relationship.
There's always this stigma with him that you're the wife and he is the man, therefore you should be expected to stay home, cook, clean, and attend to all of his needs.
7. He has sudden mood swings.
His mood is always changing, one moment he is on cloud nine then the next it's world war three and you put away the dishes wrong, so everything in the world is your fault. He makes you feel as though you are walking on eggshells to please him, so he doesn't have another fit. He will break things then five minutes later he will apologize and tell you it won't happen again (but we both know it will).
8. He puts blame on everyone else when his emotions aren't up to par.
This one's not just you, he will constantly put blame on others when his mood isn't good. Whether the pizza guy came fifteen minutes late, or his mom or pets are making him angry, he won't take responsibility for his own actions.
9. He isolates you.
He can spend as long as he wants out with his friends, or away from you. Though as soon as you want to hit the mall with your besties, or go to your grandpa's birthday party, you aren't giving him enough attention and spend too much time off galavanting with your friends.
10. He is either overly obsessed, or ignores you completely (which seems to change every ten minutes.
He will promise to call you in ten minutes, and then ignores you for the entire day, or he will blow up your phone with texts and calls every morning, afternoon, and night. Whether he is telling you he misses you, or doesn't answer a single call, it swings ferociously back and forth.
11. He says "If you don't ___, I will ___."
He manipulates and guilt trips you into doing anything he wants because, "If you don't __, I will __." Whether it's gotten as far as I will kill myself, or is simple as I will hang up, not talk to you, or I will never have sex with you again. It's still abuse, manipulation, and not okay.
12. You find yourself googling, "What is an abusive relationship?
If you ever find yourself questioning what an abusive relationship is, then more than likely, he is abusing you. Never, ever, let go of your self worth, if he ever makes you feel less than what you are, you have the power to get up and leave. If you can't, get help. It doesn't ever have to be this way.
For anyone who has found themselves in an abusive relationship, or is currently reading this realising that their gut instinct was right, reach out. Get help. You are worth so much more than you could ever imagine, and some guy who tells you he loves you one minute, then threatens to kill himself and degrades you the next, doesn't deserve your time of day. Respect yourself, reach out. Never let go of your self worth. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are not alone.
For a toll free, 24/7 phone support, call:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
For live chat services, available 7 a.m to 2 a.m, visit:
www.thehotline.org
If you ever feel that you need help, but are too afraid to call, find me on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram (which is linked to my profile), or reach out to a friend or family member. We are here to help and support you, every step of the way.
