'Twas the night before finals, when all through the college
The students were cramming with last minute knowledge.
Stacks of notes scattered with care,
Just praying Winter Break would soon be there.
Students trying to remember what they just read,
While visions of A's danced around in their heads.
Trying to forget all the days they overslept,
And all the notes they should have kept.
The library becomes your new best friend,
While coffee becomes the new trend.
Where stealing a seat with a plug,
Might just get you a mean mug.
I was no different, as my books piled high,
"I am going to fail" I let out with a sigh.
My mind began to race with all the possibilities,
As I began to doubt my abilities.
Frustrations grew at my old tests,
Realizing this wasn't my best.
Imagining what else I could be doing,
When suddenly a thought was brewing.
Procastination came in with a bustle,
He says "Let's get to the bars, pack up, let's hustle!"
"Now, don't you know I am failing?
So sorry friend, tonight I'll be bailing."
He shouts "This grade doesn't mean that much,
Remember it's about your whole resume and such.
So let's go grab a beer that's cheap,
And leave it to others to read and weep."
Realizing I can't be left in the dust,
I decide grabbing a beer I must.
I slam my computer with haste,
Shouting "This is a night we shouldn't waste."
As I ran through the streets to the bar,
I heard " Hey, look a shooting star."
I looked up and wished for a passing grade,
Because my motivation to study had swayed.
The next morning, awoken by my fear to pass,
I grabbed a pencil and sprinted to class.
Making it there right as the clock struck eight,
The professor shouted "Sit down! You're late!"
I sat, circling question after question,
Pondering over and over my secession.
When a sudden thought came so abrupt,
My answers were no longer corrupt.
Changing this answer and that,
While those finished just sat.
I circled my last answer with a bound,
When the Professor yelled "Put your pencils down!"
As the professor collected the last test,
All I could think about was rest.
As the students filed out, he turned off the light,
And shouted "Happy failing to all and to all a good night!"
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For other people, their birthday is the best day of the year. They celebrate the week before and after, and love having a huge party to celebrate. Here's a laundry list of just about everything that can happen on your birthday.
1. Your family and friends ask what you want for your birthday, so you give them a list of options.
2. You're super excited about your birthday the week before.
3. Your family flies in town to celebrate with you.
4. Your siblings wake you up.
5. Your friends are so excited to be with you on your big day.
6. If you work, your office might throw a party for you.
7. For your actual party, you plan a small get-together with close family and friends ...
8. ... or large celebration with everyone you know.
9. You eat the best meal you've had in weeks.
10. You devour the first piece of cake proudly.
11. You embarrass yourself somehow.
12. You get the present you really wanted but thought no one would get you.
13. You are a little sad about getting older.
14. That feeling wears off and you realize how happy you are to have family and friends to celebrate this day with you.
15. The morning after your birthday looks something like this.
Have a great week!
1. When do I have class again?
You have a screenshot of your schedule on your phone, it's your laptop background and you made your mom text it to you every so often throughout the day just in case. By next week you'll be able to walk to class in your sleep.
2. Did I have class with her last semester? Should I say hi?
There's that girl you had a class with like four semesters ago. She's probably ignoring you, but you just keep staring at her until your memory fails you.
3. Absolutely ridiculous.
You mostly likely had this thought while reading the syllabus and seeing that the oral presentation makes up 30 percent of your final grade. Good luck.
4. When does this class end?
You know when this class ends. The professor knows when this class ends. All your classmates know when the class ends. Staring at the clock won't make the time go faster.
5. I'm hungry.
You're always hungry because YOU NEVER STOP EATING.
6. WHERE ARE MY FRIENDS?
Everyone is really quiet because no one here knows each other. Now you have to make all new friends and you're dreading every minute of it.
7. Why do I have to introduce myself?
I hate icebreakers. "Tell us your name, major/year and a fun fact about you." No, I don't want to. Can we leave now? Please?
8. When did they fix __?
You were probably shocked when you came into school and saw the escalators working again like they should be. Consider yourself blessed.
9. I need coffee.
You haven't even finished your second cup. This is what you get for sleeping at 3 a.m. when you have a 9 a.m. class, forgetting to factor in the hour and a half commute to get to school. You probably won't learn from your mistakes.
10. Yes, coffee.
This is your fourth cup and it isn't even 11 a.m. yet.
11. Why am I here?
Because you don't want to live with your parents for the rest of your life. It's time to get it together and get those As.
12. I'm going to pass this class.
You're positive outlook is cute and needed. You can get those As only if you believe in yourself.
13. I'm going to fail this class.
So you took a closer look at the syllabus and saw how much work is involved in a three-credit course. But don't give up, it's only the first day. You still have several months of torture ahead.
1. Communicating via email can be awkward.
Without seeing your face, people will often assume you’re the other gender and address you as such, often beginning an email using the wrong article.
2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.
“What time was your appointment?”
“2:00!”
“2:00…?”
“Yes, 2:00.”
“Are you sure?”
3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.
Being asked to repeat yourself, accompanied with a very confused face, is the norm.
4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.
It would just be so much easier if my name were a “typical” boy/girl name.
5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.
“Your parents must be very interesting. Is there a cool story behind it? Why did they name you that? Are you named after a famous ancestor? Is there any meaning to it?” No.
6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.
I’m not the only one! Let’s be friends!
7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.
Nice to meet you… I guess…
8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”
Oh. Okay. That’s nice.
9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.
Hahaha, no. It’s a sensitive topic.
10. People are surprised when they see you.
“Oh, I thought you were a boy/girl.”
“Well. I’m not…”
What is someone supposed to say to that?
11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.
Their name is Mackenzie and I can’t find them on Facebook! Do I address the email Mr. or Ms.???
12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.
“Why did you name me this?! You don’t understand the struggle!”
13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.
Yes, you have an “atypical” name, but that’s rare and awesome and you’re fierce.
1) You love watching National Geographic specials
Especially this one, which you should all go watch RIGHT. NOW.
2) People constantly ask you "what is anthropology?"
3) Even more often than that, people ask you "what are you gonna do with that?"
4) You've definitely licked a rock at least once
Is it earthenware? Stoneware? Pearlware? Only one way to be sure, really.
5) If you concentrate in archaeology, this gif pisses you off to no end:
6) Staring at people is kind of your thing
What's their clothing made out of? Does their nose size suggest stronger neanderthal genes? What's that prayer they're saying?!
7) The Road to El Dorado speaks to you on an emotional level
And nobody believes you when you try to tell them it's based on a true story. And you pause the movie every five minutes to talk about how goddamn cool the Aztecs were.
8) You know what a bonobo is...
9) And you've had multiple class discussions on monkey sex. Literally.
Vaguely awkward class days, but weirdly crucial to chimp social structure. Who knew.
10) You've taken a field trip to the Smithsonian "Human Origins" exhibit
And you totally freaked out over the reconstructed Lucy.
11) Your family and friends call you Indiana Jones...
And you hate it every time they do.
12) Even though you secretly call yourself Indiana Jones
13) Your professors are so into their subject matter that their powerpoints always consist of 80+ slides
Half the time their presentations are on their own fieldwork. Very cool, but it's just not practical to try to fit 12+ years of hands-on study into a 50 minute class period.
14) You have the same kids in all of your classes
Yes, for all four years. Probably due to the fact that there's only like six anthro majors at your school.
15) Your family thinks you'll never get a "real" job...
16) ...But at the end of the day, digging up tiny shards of pottery and staring at monkeys is your passion. Oh well.
1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!
I get it, my shining pale face among this sea of caramel-toned goddesses is easy to pick out. Thanks for boosting my self esteem.
2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.
Yes, lights on or lights off, you still can't lose me.
3. Can't you just get fake tan?
White+orange= orange. I'm going to let you think that one through.
4. Do you tan or just burn?
By the looks of my lobster-red tan lines after being in the sun for fifteen minutes, I'd say the latter.
5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!
Thanks for transferring all my insecurities to my children. I'm crossing my fingers and toes they won't inherit this trait... for their sake.
6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!
Congratulations!
7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!
Don't turn me against my own kind.
8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!
Must be nice to lay out without having to hide under a towel.
9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.
I'm just reapplying my SPF 5000 every twenty minutes because it's fun for me.
10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??
Yes, because I wanted my nose to disappear in this photo.
11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!
The blood rushes to your face too, ya know. My skin just does a worse job of hiding it...
12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!
Can't a girl wear white or pale pink or light yellow without being ridiculed?!
13. You need to get some sun.
Don't tell me how to live my life.
14. Aren't you excited for summer?
No. Because everyone is the same color as I am in the winter.
But hey, enjoy your tan lines and perfect selfies while you can. Because I'll be laughing when you look like leather and my porcelain skin keeps on keeping on.
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