It that time of year again… No, I don’t mean the holiday season. It is finals week. It is the time of year when finding a parking spot on campus is once again a hassle; you go to your class, see all of those people and think “who the $^&% are you?” and out of the 168 hours in the week, you will sleep maybe half of that if you are lucky.

There may not be much that is consistent in a college student’s life, except the chair… the same chair you have sat in all semester long, you have grown attached to that uncomfortable plastic bastard. Then it’s the last week of classes and you walk in wearily to see the most horrific thing ever… Someone is sitting in your seat, the seat YOU have grown to know all semester long… Then you turn to your left and to your right and begin to flip out screaming inside your head “WHO THE #^%^ ARE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE?” After a few seconds you “relax” and make your way to find a new seat thanks to the jerk who took yours… when all the sudden you get a great idea (or a great idea to a sleep deprived college student) to sit a row behind the seat-stealer and glare at them the entire lecture… Yes, this will get that seat-stealer back. *Cue Maniacal Laughter*

During hell weeks… I mean the two weeks after Thanksgiving, you are quickly thrust into the realization that you are not going to pass the semester if you do not get 100’s on all of your exams. You create study groups for all of your classes; you all herd yourselves into a small library study room hoping one of you didn’t skip class all semester and can teach you everything within 24 hours before your exam.

You continually think to yourself, "Man I really should start on one of these presentations/papers that I have to turn in… But Netflix..." The ultimate dilemma is knowing when to stop procrastinating and knowing when to study. Sadly, as this being my third year in college I would like to think I have mastered it… Just kidding. We all say to ourselves “one more episode won’t hurt” until it’s now midnight and your 10 page (single-spaced) paper is due in less than 24 hours.

After a while, you become so stressed out that you become sick… Or worse, resort to lying on the floor. As you start to be fully consumed by your "spirit animal" Tina Belcher, you start to think of all the people who have dropped out of college and still have made it through life...

Thankfully, you have now finally reached the end of the two weeks from hell, finals week. Whether or not you passed your finals (or your class) is no longer in your hands, but in those of the TA that is grading you paper, presentation and/or test. Congratulations, you have made it through another semester without killing yourselves.

Here is a little tale to help you get through finals week. Enjoy.

Andrew Hund
1993

Twas the night before finals, and all through the college,
The students were praying for last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
While visions of essays danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns, a few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor would loosen up their thinking.
In my own apartment, I had been pacing,
And dreading exams I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless, his nose in his books,
And my comments to him drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee, and brewed a new pot,
No longer caring that my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes, but my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went a blur, I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver,
But each place I called refused to deliver.

I'd nearly concluded that life was too cruel,
With futures depending on grades had in school.
When all of a sudden, our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off ambled inside.

His spirit was careless, his manner was mellow,
When all of a sudden, he started to bellow:
"On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! On last year's exams!
On Wingit and Slingit, and last minute crams!"

His message delivered, he vanished from sight,
But we heard him laughing outside in the night.
"Your teachers have pegged you, so just do your best.
Happy Finals to all, and to all, a Good Test!"

- http://www.appleseeds.org/finals-1.htm