Twas the night before bid night and all through the campus not a rushie was sleeping, not even peep.
The prefs had been placed and the bids had been counted, in hopes that a card might soon be found…
I looked in the mirror for the 50th time, combing my hair, seeking to cover every flaw with more concealer. Don't be stupid, smile a lot, make a good impression. I recited this to myself as I turned to the side, examining my body. "I hope they like me..."
I waited in line to get my name tag which would put me into a group of 50 girls who were all prettier and skinner than me and honestly more desirable than I was. Once placed, we engaged in countless small talk and mindless chatter. We answered numerous questions regarding our major and smiled until our cheeks about fell off.
All I needed to do was get that bid.
I smiled and shook hands, along with the occasional hug, of complete strangers who I knew were looking at me, evaluating me, judging me. I waited my turn to speak and did my best to stand out. I had to make a good impression.
As the first night ended I was overcome with emotion. What if they didn't like me? Do they even remember my name? What if I don't make it?
As the third night dawned, I was determined to make my name known. I created my own nametag and put on my best clothes. I took extra time on my hair and makeup and made sure I smelled like a field of roses. I was going to be the girl they could never forget.
The room was full of girls who looked just like I did. The air was filled with desperation and hope. Girls were passed from one member to another, smiling and floating as they went. My heart was heavy as I looked at them, happy, carefree, pretty. Who was I to think I would make it? I'm not what they want. I'm not meant to be here.
That night I crawled into bed and made an action plan in my head. Tomorrow I would talk to every girl I saw. I would make a point to mention God in every other sentence. Lastly, they would know who Grace Tietze was. I was going to get a bid.
I smiled as I shook each hand, I laughed as I made a joke hoping to lighten the mood, everything was great that last night. I looked around and thought, maybe this is home. Maybe this is where I belong. This is me...
I went to bed that night knowing that in a couple of short hours there would be a card slipped under my door, welcoming me into my new home. I knew that in a few hours, I would finally belong, I would be someone. People would know my name and see me for who I was. I had done it...
5 a.m. I kick the covers off of my bed, careful not to wake my sleeping roommate, and ran to our front door. There were three cards awaiting. As I flipped through the names I noticed my name was not one of them. My heart sunk.
They forgot you...
I was devastated. I quietly walked into my room, tears streaming down my face. Before I made it into bed, I collapsed on the floor. Why God? Was I not good enough? Was I not funny? What did I do wrong? Why did you do this?
After hours of awaiting the excitement of others who discover their bids, I resolved that I would put this behind me. I would no longer let it dictate my emotions or take away my joy. I wouldn't let it be my focus because God had better plans for me...right? This is what I told myself.
But God had a different story to tell me.
Grace, why do you think I am not enough for you? Do you not trust that I have made you wonderfully and beautifully? Do you not know that my plans for you are good? Why must you chase things that will never make you whole? Why must you base your worth on the opinions on others? I am your Father who loves you and cares for you. I am your provider who gives only good things to you. I am your friend who comforts you and speaks truth to you. I am your God who by the words of my mouth brought you to life. Am I not enough?
Oh Lord, I'm so sorry for doubting you. I'm sorry for blaming you for my lack of trust. I'm sorry that the depravity of my heart gets in the way of your miraculous power.
As I stood to my feet, my phone rang and I ran to grab it. It was student life telling me that they had misplaced my bid card but that I was to come to the meeting at 5:30 that night. I HAD A BID! But something was different.
My heart didn't leap out of my chest by the fact that I had a bid or was accepted by a sorority. My heart was steadfast in the knowledge that I am a daughter of the Most High King, loved and accepted by the Great I Am...
Girls, as you write your preference tonight, as you go to sleep eagerly awaiting the decision, I plead with you to look to the cross.
On that dreaded Friday, Jesus Christ was nailed to the cross with you impressed on His heart. He was beaten and mocked all the while thinking of YOU. He isn't expecting you to "rush" into the Kingdom, He simply asks you to come as you are and believe that He is God. He doesn't expect you to have the right answers or the best clothes. He simply says to come, broken and dirty, redemption is waiting.
Precious daughters, your worth is NOT found at the top of that card. Your worth is NOT found in the girls who remember your name. Your clothes, your size, your talent, your money, IT IS NOT WHO YOU ARE! You are not a number, you are not a face flashed up on a screen, you are a daughter of the King, bought at a high price, loved beyond all beautiful jewels, and worthy to the point of death.
As you wait, wait on the Lord. As you hope, hope in Christ. As you rejoice, rejoice in His faithfulness. Your Father who is in Heaven is not blind to your anxiety or your burdens but He is there, fighting for you. All you must do is trust in Him who has created you.
You are worth more.
