A friend of mine recently told me about how she had met a guy at a party one weekend. She said how they had a great time and wished she could get to know him better. She then said something along the lines of “I want to follow him on Instagram but I’m trying to be chill,” which got me thinking about how to be the “chill girl.”

The “chill girl” is the girl who doesn’t care, who doesn’t let her emotions be known, and has a go-with-the-flow attitude. She doesn’t need or want commitment. She won’t chase a guy for a title or ask the infamous “what are we” question.

I’m all for the chill girl, but what about the other girls, the “un-chill girls?” The girls who desire a committed and reliable relationship. The girls who will get to know a guy, develop feelings (which may or may not seem mutual) and then wonder “what are we?”, which brings me to my main point…

IF IT LOOKS LIKE A RELATIONSHIP, AND IT FEELS LIKE A RELATIONSHIP, IS IT A RELATIONSHIP? Or better yet, WHY ISN’T IT A RELATIONSHIP?

Maybe it has to do with the hookup culture we’re living in. If exploring your options is what you want to do, then do it! Power to you! But why have we created a mindset that whoever cares less wins or that commitment is an end-all to freedom? Why is avoiding our emotions seen as a good thing? Shouldn’t we acknowledge how we feel, especially if it’s positive and amazing feelings we have towards someone else? And why is it a bad thing to express our interest in someone?

Whenever I’ve developed feelings for someone in the past, I tend to remind myself to “not be crazy.” I’ve held myself back from letting someone know how I feel because I was afraid of coming across as needy. Then when in a relationship, we’re afraid of confronting problems because we don’t want our significant other thinking we’re overbearing or controlling. But when there is an issue in a relationship, shouldn’t it be addressed? How are relationships expected to progress if we’re too afraid to communicate?

And when did becoming attached become a bad thing? Why is caring about someone considered crazy? If you like someone – genuinely like their company – you should want to spend time with them and talk to them and have them be an important part of your life. If we don’t ever ask the “what are we” question, how will we ever know where we stand?

So I’ve decided that if I feel something, why shouldn’t I say it? If my feelings aren’t reciprocated then I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I’ll continue being the “un-chill girl” because at least I’ll know where I stand.