In any competition, my body gets flooded with nerves and anxiety. My fingers start to feel cold. Slowly, my entire body starts shaking intensely as the coldness moves from my fingers into my chest and the rest of my body. Despite all of these overwhelming emotions, I always have a clear goal set in mind: to win.
No, I am not—by any means of the imagination—an athlete, nor a mathlete. I’m just a (relatively) normal guy who also happens to be an extremely competitive person.
In high school, I never did sports. I was instead a passive observant who at times felt the rush of them. I found my own fulfillment in competing in theatre, literary criticism, and poetry interpretation. My competitiveness went beyond winning and collecting medals and trophies. I simply loved and found happiness in what I was doing. The spirit of competition, however, transcended from these state-wide contests into my everyday life.
I continue to reveal my inner competitor every second of every day. I’m happy when I do well in things I managed to turn into competitions. My body motivates me with a rush of adrenaline. If I win, then the adrenaline is overcome by the feeling of happiness and a boost of confidence. If I lose, then the adrenaline makes my stomach drop to the floor. I’m pulled down by what seems like the horrific reality of losing.
That horrific reality is nothing more than a delusion caused by my helpless self-deprecation. My short-term feelings cloud the true reality, which brings an unexpected feeling of relief from the overwhelming stress that comes with competition. All of a sudden, the horrific “reality” loses its momentum as a big load is lifted off my shoulders. I can breathe, and start to see things clearly. Although it might take a while, I analyze and learn from my mistakes. I get up, knowing deep-inside me that there’s always the next one.
Losing is one of the most grounding experiences you can go through. It presents the perfect opportunity for self-growth. Remember that you are made stronger by all of your defeats, not your victories. Therefore, just like you celebrate all of your victories, you should celebrate all of your defeats.
It is always a matter of quickly getting up and continuing to work harder. Progress would never happen if people always gave up. It’s time to not look at winning and losing as black and white. There are nuances in both that make it more than just winning and losing.
